Babies

They say the older you get, the more you'll think about having children. Very true. Over the course of several months, I have been giving thought to that. Some of my friends have started their families and many my age seem to have their families beginning as well. Unfortunately for women, we do have a biological clock ticking away at us. It will get to the point where it becomes risky if I don't choose to do this within the next 10 years. But ya know what? Why rush if you're not ready? I still don't feel ready.

I've heard over and over, "Well, it's never a perfect time to have kids." I've been stewing on that and realized that is true, but I think there are more favorable times to have kids than other times. I've been giving the family thing some serious thought because I am 25 and this is the prime age to have kids, but I just don't feel like it's for me. When I get down to thinking about it, I realize how much planning has to go into it and it's not a decision you'd want to make overnight. It also scares me that this is one commitment in your life that you can never escape- no matter what! If your husband beats you and cheats on you, you can leave. If your kid hits and disrespects you, gotta deal with it! The whole family thing is so scary to me. I've realized over the years that my negativity towards families definitely comes from my own personal negative experiences. I honestly felt like kids were a burden to their parents and it's definitely tainted my view on conceiving.

Not only that but it's all the physical crap women have to endure. Yuck. Yes. I am being both a wuss about the pain and shallow about what it does to our bodies. I admit it.

Do I really want another me walking around this earth? That would mean I have to be a role model. I never looked to my parents as role models. Happy children do. They have healthy relationships with their parents. I certainly did not, so I guess that contributes to my fear. Therefore, for me to feel like I was going to have a good, solid family, I would want to be a role model. That's a lot of pressure and quite frankly, I don't think I have any motivation to be someone's role model. This world has made it so complicated to have a family. It's expensive and everybody has to work. I personally don't believe in the stay at home thing. Gotta be realistic these days. Anything can happen. Look at all the lay offs and how many people lost their homes these last few years. I learned young through my parents mistake, it's not a smart idea to depend on someone to take care of you. We all think we're safe, but realistically, anything can happen to anyone of us. No one is invisible to harm or danger.

Strange how I was saying at 12 years old, I did not want to get married or have kids. I got married, but the kid thing still hasn't really changed. I think about it at times but I always come back to my original state of mind. I just don't see enough pros over the cons. But this leaves my availability to do other types of service and perhaps, that is exactly what is meant for me. Perhaps my motherhood belongs in something else. I feel happy about that idea. :-)

Fashion

That word can either excite me or depress me. I have such mixed feelings about it. One day I care what I look like, and the next day I don't. There'll be times I just want to hide from the world. Oh, fashion... it's so frustrating to me with the pressures of looking your best. Problem is, what I like to wear isn't fashionable and I have always struggled with that. I honestly love boy clothes. I love baggy T-shirts, baggy pants, hoodies, flip flops, sneakers. I hate fiddling with my hair. I'm annoyed in the salon after about 30 minutes. Not by choice, I am already a little higher maintenance than I care to be due to my thick eyebrows that need to be plucked constantly, legs and armpits need to be waxed. In this day and age, it really isn't fun being a girl. It takes time to look feminine.

That is what depresses me. I always thought when I got older, I probably wouldn't care anymore about fashion or looks but it shows at 25 that I do still care. I'm not obsessed with it obviously or I'd have a closet full of clothes and tons of shoes. I'm very simple with my wardrobe and don't have much clothes, but I'm feeling this intense influence to start caring more. I see how differently people are treated by the way they look and the way we dress is our personal stamp. It sends a message to people about ourselves. So my carefree attitude is clearly expressed in what I wear. I think it will help motivate me a little more if I put more time into my body, health and wardrobe. Reason being, when I look at someone who is in shape, dresses well and is healthy, I see a motivated individual that works hard and cares to present themselves at their best. So, I feel that if I change my attitude towards fashion and fitness, perhaps I will be motivated to work harder and reach my full potential.

If you don't have a positive view of yourself, you're probably not at your best or working hard enough to reach your potential. I have unlocked that mystery in myself so it is time to do something about it. It's time to spark the motivational fire under my butt to start caring! This is the quarter century marking point of my life! It's time to celebrate this year with a BIG BANG! Change and LOTS of it!

Now that I've written this for anyone to read, I have to live up to my word. Positive thoughts only. I can do this because we all have the power to change ourselves. Attitude change is the first step. Second step, build healthy habits in my daily routine. After that, I believe the rest is history.