Home Sweet Home!
I was gone for 7 weeks. I got straight A's in summer school! Woohoo! On my way home, I stopped and saw all my friends and family on the way down. That was awesome. I realized that I have more friends/family in California than anywhere else! I have driven all over California from Napa, Oroville, Sacramento, San Francisco Bay Area to Southern California in Chula Vista. I have a pretty good grip on the highways now and am familiar with Northern California and am getting to know the San Diego County better. I never thought I'd be a California girl. It's strange how it even happened. I had no desire or thought of living in California ever. It just so happened I relocated to Utah, wasn't very happy there and California was close by and I wanted to give it a shot. Five years later, I have been up and down all over this state even having the privilege to live in both northern and southern California. What's crazier to me is that I have experienced more of this state than some of the Native Californians! How sad! Most of us east coasters have been up and down the coast from Maine to Florida. How could you not have taken some road trips in this huge coastal state of California all your life?! Sad I say. Although what's kind of embarrassing is that Jessica has been to Disney land enough times to know her way around it without a map! When she visited here a few months ago with my dad and Jeremy, she was showing ME and Ron around Disney land, only a 2 hour drive north from San Diego. While at Disney land, I didn't enjoy standing in line and I don't care for crowds much. By mid afternoon, I was over it and ready to get out of there. I'm not into the amusement park scene these days. Maybe it has to do with getting older, not sure.
I stopped and visited my brother-in-law Lyle on the way down in Ventura. We went boogie boarding. He's a surfer and that's what I'm trying to get into now. I moved here for the weather and I should be taking advantage of the beaches more often. So he taught me how to boogie board because there are a lot of things you have to get used to in the waves before surfing. He was right. I probably would have given up if I would've tried surfing first. I felt like I was getting beat up out there but at least the wet suit keeps you warm. By the way, that was a HUGE FEAR I conquered getting out there in the ocean like that. I have ALWAYS been afraid to swim past the point of touching the sand. Lyle pushed me into some waves so I was able to enjoy a few good ones. This is definitely going to take some practice to get into the surfing world. Ron used to be into it, so now that I am doing it, we can do it together. I've been meaning to get into an active hobby that allows me to enjoy being outside. I love swimming so this is a great way to be active without forcing myself to exercise. :o) I can't wait to post pics of me in a wet suit actually catching waves!
Now that I'm back though, I have to start working again. Boooo. I was so happy up north not working. I may quit In-N-Out and just focus on school. Ron and I have talked about that as a possibility if this becomes too much for me. Then I can focus on school where I feel like I'm making something of myself. I am so lucky to have Ron because I just might need a break from the worthless work world! I'm hanging in there but I doubt my ability to do that for much longer. It was nice to take a leave of absence for 7 weeks. I had no money but I was happy! I got straight A's and I was at peace with myself. It's amazing how a job can just suck the life out of you. Ron loves his job and I can't wait to have a job that I love too and feel valued at. :o) School starts the 20th. I am so ready. In the mean time, I'm gonna do this boogie boarding thing!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Freedom at last
Each day that goes by and I stop thinking about what the answers are to the big questions in life, I feel relieved. These invisible chains of confusion and burden have finally released me. It is only us that make our lives complicated. Granted, the people with power have contributed greatly to making our lives complicated. In general, I have taken great notice to how we get so caught up in trying to figure out the truth that life passes us by...
If you are easily offended, please discontinue reading. This is your only warning. I take no responsibility for those that interpret this personally. This is my reflection.
I've learned an interesting parallel between Santa Clause and God recently. Our parents tell us this big, old man stuffs himself down our chimneys, eats the cookies we set out for him and leaves us gifts. We try to wrap our minds around this concept, can't make sense of it but believe it must be true because the rest of the world is telling us it is. Our parents even leave us fake evidence of eaten cookies and empty milk glasses. Well, telling us if we are good enough, we will receive gifts is a form of manipulation. Whether you mean to manipulate your kids for bad or good is irrelevant. Manipulation exists any time you can control someone's thought in their ignorance. Some kids who think like me ask how this Santa Clause ordeal works and when we find out the truth,we are extremely upset that everyone we knew is part of this scheme, thinking this short-lived joy somehow benefits us.
Strange how religion seems to be an adult version of the Santa Clause paradigm. The explanation of God, Ala and whoever else is believed to exist is just a complicated version of Santa to me. I will never argue with someone and say they don't know who God is or that they don't know what they're talking about, but to me, I don't think anyone really knows the truth. We like to avoid cognitive dissonance because it is harder to think about what we can't understand. We can change the dissonance by altering our perspective on a situation. There are several ways to look at one situation. You can choose to accept God because if you don't, you fear the punishment. You can accept God because you really do believe and don't question his existence. You can accept God because you feel like a respectable person by doing so. You can not accept God because it doesn't satisfy the answers to your questions. Well, it's much harder to reject the biblical teachings of God because that means you are fessing up to not understanding and you do not receive comfort in faith or have false hope.
So where do you get comfort? I never knew I would reach this place that I am at now, but the real comfort for me comes in not arguing with myself about sin, communion, worshipping the unknown, or following rules. Peace comes by not feeling conflicted with yourself by what men tell you and certainly by not fearing what scriptures instill in you. Scripture talks about those who fear God are safe. I just have to roll my eyes at that one. Why would I want to fear the creator who made me? Better yet, why would I want to return to someone I fear? That's already a psychological form of manipulation. I must fear the creator who made me. Should we fear our moms and dads? That would be unhealthy.
If the Muslims are right, I've really upset Ala. If the Catholics are right, I am going to hell for not keeping the rules. If the Mormons are right, I won't make it to the highest degree of Glory to be with my family forever. If I don't fear God, I guess he won't be very happy with me and I will be punished in some way. Goodness. I don't exactly have a beautifully painted picture of the after life. I'm probably better off not understanding any of it. How can you punish someone who just doesn't get it? Perhaps I am a "retard" in the matters of God, thereby making me a disabled soul.
Santa gives children joy through their imagination. God also represents joy as well as hope and eternal life to those who believe. If Santa starts squeezing down chimneys and a virgin gets pregnant, then I'll be the first to admit I was wrong. Until then, I am not wearing the chains of fear, burden, confusion and false hope. In the same way that baby birds do not question whether they should fly or not, I am simply stepping out and flying on my own. Gosh darn it, the view from up here is pretty darn fabulous. It's pretty freaking awesome to be flying around and seeing all the different views in absolute freedom of thought.
If you are easily offended, please discontinue reading. This is your only warning. I take no responsibility for those that interpret this personally. This is my reflection.
I've learned an interesting parallel between Santa Clause and God recently. Our parents tell us this big, old man stuffs himself down our chimneys, eats the cookies we set out for him and leaves us gifts. We try to wrap our minds around this concept, can't make sense of it but believe it must be true because the rest of the world is telling us it is. Our parents even leave us fake evidence of eaten cookies and empty milk glasses. Well, telling us if we are good enough, we will receive gifts is a form of manipulation. Whether you mean to manipulate your kids for bad or good is irrelevant. Manipulation exists any time you can control someone's thought in their ignorance. Some kids who think like me ask how this Santa Clause ordeal works and when we find out the truth,we are extremely upset that everyone we knew is part of this scheme, thinking this short-lived joy somehow benefits us.
Strange how religion seems to be an adult version of the Santa Clause paradigm. The explanation of God, Ala and whoever else is believed to exist is just a complicated version of Santa to me. I will never argue with someone and say they don't know who God is or that they don't know what they're talking about, but to me, I don't think anyone really knows the truth. We like to avoid cognitive dissonance because it is harder to think about what we can't understand. We can change the dissonance by altering our perspective on a situation. There are several ways to look at one situation. You can choose to accept God because if you don't, you fear the punishment. You can accept God because you really do believe and don't question his existence. You can accept God because you feel like a respectable person by doing so. You can not accept God because it doesn't satisfy the answers to your questions. Well, it's much harder to reject the biblical teachings of God because that means you are fessing up to not understanding and you do not receive comfort in faith or have false hope.
So where do you get comfort? I never knew I would reach this place that I am at now, but the real comfort for me comes in not arguing with myself about sin, communion, worshipping the unknown, or following rules. Peace comes by not feeling conflicted with yourself by what men tell you and certainly by not fearing what scriptures instill in you. Scripture talks about those who fear God are safe. I just have to roll my eyes at that one. Why would I want to fear the creator who made me? Better yet, why would I want to return to someone I fear? That's already a psychological form of manipulation. I must fear the creator who made me. Should we fear our moms and dads? That would be unhealthy.
If the Muslims are right, I've really upset Ala. If the Catholics are right, I am going to hell for not keeping the rules. If the Mormons are right, I won't make it to the highest degree of Glory to be with my family forever. If I don't fear God, I guess he won't be very happy with me and I will be punished in some way. Goodness. I don't exactly have a beautifully painted picture of the after life. I'm probably better off not understanding any of it. How can you punish someone who just doesn't get it? Perhaps I am a "retard" in the matters of God, thereby making me a disabled soul.
Santa gives children joy through their imagination. God also represents joy as well as hope and eternal life to those who believe. If Santa starts squeezing down chimneys and a virgin gets pregnant, then I'll be the first to admit I was wrong. Until then, I am not wearing the chains of fear, burden, confusion and false hope. In the same way that baby birds do not question whether they should fly or not, I am simply stepping out and flying on my own. Gosh darn it, the view from up here is pretty darn fabulous. It's pretty freaking awesome to be flying around and seeing all the different views in absolute freedom of thought.
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