Whoops. I wasn't exactly dairy free the last few weeks. Ron and I went out to Happy Hour in Hillcrest and ate fried mac and cheese balls. Then at work, I put some creamer in the coffee on the days that I did not bring my own pre-mixed coffee blend. I am also starting to wonder about eggs and if there is a problem with eating eggs, knowing they are not fertilized.
However, as I sit here and think about it some more, the way I am trying to eat is about not promoting farmed animals. So if I do buy the eggs, then I am still supporting the farm that slaughters animals for food. The point of plant-based eating is to be independent of animals. But I wonder, if I have my own chickens to lay eggs, is that wrong? Then I really know it's truly organic and harm free. I do not even need a rooster so that I know for sure the eggs are unfertilized. Hm. Food for thought...
I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing for myself and what is best for the planet and all creatures inhabiting it. I'm not sure that I even want my own chickens because I have been told they poop everywhere. I don't want my nice patio being chicken pooped on everywhere, and then I'll have to feed them and coop them up. But if they are being cooped up, they aren't cage free then are they? Goes back to the whole farming thing...
You know, it just becomes less conflictual for me if I simply don't eat animal products. I don't have to worry about the suffering behind it if I just stay organic and plant-based. However, I am not perfect by any means. I still mess up sometimes by not having the alternate dairy option readily available for where I am in that particular moment. I don't always make the right choice to abstain from an appetizer that someone else bought. I'm still learning how to be completely independent of animals. This is a journey. However, I am proud to say I got the meat part down. It's easy to deny that now.
Sounds like I'll actually need a purse now for my snacks while on the road. I dislike purses, but if it means the difference between choosing poorly out of convenience than to choose clean eating, I guess I will just have to find a way to embrace it.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
I've Had It
My relationship with my parents are not good. They haven't been since the day I turned 12. That's when I started growing apart from my 'family' and not growing with them. I learned not to trust them with my feelings because they said I had no right to feel the way I was feeling. So instead of sharing my feelings, I hid them. It explains all the anger, fear and bitterness I had dwelling inside me. There was no healthy way to release them, so I got in trouble instead. Not necessarily on purpose. I was just hanging with the wrong crowd because they didn't judge me. They didn't have expectations of me that I had to measure up to. I was allowed to be angry and sad with them because they were angry and sad too for their own reasons. We were all teenagers, clueless about life with no real support in the home. This is why teenagers do drugs. Studies show this time and time again. At this point in my life though, I didn't know I was just another statistic. I only knew that I felt horrible and depressed.
But now I'm 27 years old. I have had adequate time to process my emotions and deal with them in a positive way. It's brought me to a place now where I can actually see the past as one big puzzle. All the pieces fit together and the picture is a sad one. It is a scar in me that will never be forgotten. How could I forget such a long period of my life? Fortunately, this picture is only the beginning of my life. It isn't the end of it, so I have the wonderful opportunity to take control from here on out and do what is best for me and Ron.
I have made the brave decision today to be done with my parents. I tried to have a civil conversation with my 'father' today about my feelings because he asked. I did not call him seeking to speak. He called me and wanted to know why I have been so distant. I began to talk with him, and he became angrily defensive. He still has not reached a place in his life where he can take accountability for what he has done or does do. But I was already ten steps ahead of him. I expected this behavior from him. Since he rambles on about his feelings, I had to interrupt and end the conversation abruptly. It wasn't the most polite way of ending a conversation, but, however, I did not simply just end the conversation. I ended a toxic relationship. I am officially done with him, and for now, done with my 'mother' as well. I quote the words "dad" and "mom" because I see them as caregivers, not parents.
I could write an essay about why I see them this way, but I don't have the energy to. The hurt was too deep for so many years that I have not healed completely. Speaking with them has been aggravating a wound that's been trying to heal. I realize now that I just need to not be speaking with them until it has had time to heal properly. I'm not strong enough to carry on with these imaginary relationships that I've been having with them. I finally addressed the elephant in the room that no one wanted to discuss, and it did not end well. But I was ready for it. I was afraid to face it for all this time, but I built up the courage to finally do it. Looking back, I didn't have a support group of people around me, but this time around, I have my husband, Ron. He is my support group. I can't be around poisonous people that make me feel bad. I just can't.
It's time to build myself up, gain self-esteem, feel positive about life and see the glass as half full. I'm done being hurt. I have my own life here and an amazing husband that loves me for who I really am. I did not have the privilege of growing up in a home where I felt accepted for my personality and my differences. Rather, scolded for thinking differently. So, it makes sense, that I would be done with my caregivers. It brings me back to the awful past. A past that I understand now, and truly want to move on from. I really was orphaned the day I was adopted. I understand. But it's okay. I've been my own parent all these years, and now I have a great partner I get to wake up to and go to bed with every night. I am loved deeply by another human being. I get to have true love in my life, so I am happy about that. It is a wonderful feeling to feel loved.
This world we live in makes no sense sometimes. I'm just here, living in the moment. Trying to be healthy.
But now I'm 27 years old. I have had adequate time to process my emotions and deal with them in a positive way. It's brought me to a place now where I can actually see the past as one big puzzle. All the pieces fit together and the picture is a sad one. It is a scar in me that will never be forgotten. How could I forget such a long period of my life? Fortunately, this picture is only the beginning of my life. It isn't the end of it, so I have the wonderful opportunity to take control from here on out and do what is best for me and Ron.
I have made the brave decision today to be done with my parents. I tried to have a civil conversation with my 'father' today about my feelings because he asked. I did not call him seeking to speak. He called me and wanted to know why I have been so distant. I began to talk with him, and he became angrily defensive. He still has not reached a place in his life where he can take accountability for what he has done or does do. But I was already ten steps ahead of him. I expected this behavior from him. Since he rambles on about his feelings, I had to interrupt and end the conversation abruptly. It wasn't the most polite way of ending a conversation, but, however, I did not simply just end the conversation. I ended a toxic relationship. I am officially done with him, and for now, done with my 'mother' as well. I quote the words "dad" and "mom" because I see them as caregivers, not parents.
I could write an essay about why I see them this way, but I don't have the energy to. The hurt was too deep for so many years that I have not healed completely. Speaking with them has been aggravating a wound that's been trying to heal. I realize now that I just need to not be speaking with them until it has had time to heal properly. I'm not strong enough to carry on with these imaginary relationships that I've been having with them. I finally addressed the elephant in the room that no one wanted to discuss, and it did not end well. But I was ready for it. I was afraid to face it for all this time, but I built up the courage to finally do it. Looking back, I didn't have a support group of people around me, but this time around, I have my husband, Ron. He is my support group. I can't be around poisonous people that make me feel bad. I just can't.
It's time to build myself up, gain self-esteem, feel positive about life and see the glass as half full. I'm done being hurt. I have my own life here and an amazing husband that loves me for who I really am. I did not have the privilege of growing up in a home where I felt accepted for my personality and my differences. Rather, scolded for thinking differently. So, it makes sense, that I would be done with my caregivers. It brings me back to the awful past. A past that I understand now, and truly want to move on from. I really was orphaned the day I was adopted. I understand. But it's okay. I've been my own parent all these years, and now I have a great partner I get to wake up to and go to bed with every night. I am loved deeply by another human being. I get to have true love in my life, so I am happy about that. It is a wonderful feeling to feel loved.
This world we live in makes no sense sometimes. I'm just here, living in the moment. Trying to be healthy.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Furthermore
The only thing I hate about being labeled a vegan is that people immediately assume that I believe eating meat is 100% wrong. In other words, that I find no toleration for it whatsoever. But that isn't the case for me. I am 100% against eating meat depending on where you live and what resources are available to you. For example, ancient Native Americans roamed the Americas actively hunting and gathering, playing by the same rules as all the other creatures in the food chain. Today, however, this is not how most of us live.
Eating meat is a life style as old as time. For whatever reason we have predators on this earth, I will never understand it. But there is a respectful way of eating meat, and there is a disrespectful way of eating it. The only group of people I am aware of who still play by the same rules as the Native Americans did are the Eskimos. They live off the land. They hunt and gather their food. They live many months in harsh winter conditions. Growing vegetables is not a reality for them. However, they respect life, which means they do not waste any part of the animal they catch. They wear it, eat it, make utensils, and can even use whale blubber as oil for lanterns.
The Eskimos do not buy food. They are active participants in the food chain that play by the rules of nature, not by rules of greed. They are not wearing seal skin because it is fashionable. They wear it because that is how they stay warm. It keeps them alive. It is the difference between freezing to death and not. Shamefully, the country I live in not only promotes wearing fur, but they support it. People buy it and see nothing wrong with killing an animal solely for it's fur because it is fashionable. Wearing fur is one of the most expensive options out there, and it is by far not the only option to keep us warm. So why buy it other than to exercise vanity? These animals are skinned alive. If I have to explain why the vanity in that is wrong, then I really will have lost all my faith in humanity.
Since I am not an eskimo, I do not hunt or gather my food. I use money to get everything I need. I am not playing by the the laws of nature. I am playing by the laws of man, which only recognize the rights of human beings, not animals. Since I have a responsibility to care for the Earth, I should be mindful how I consume all things. Becoming vegan is really about going green. It's about being pro-earth in every sense. I respect the earth, and I respect all life in it. I do not eat meat because the way my money is used to get meat is disrespectful to the creature. To name a few things off the top of my head, cows are more often than not injected with hormones to grow faster than normal, overfed to get fat, and killed too soon in its life, which means, most steaks are a form of veal since they are killed from one week old to 16 months. Do I even need to mention how this is an act of greed?
I have the resources available to me to be a responsible and respectful inhabitant of our planet. In a sense, I can live like the Eskimo when my money is used respectfully. I believe we are defined by the intention of our decisions. Knowing what I know now, my intentions would not be corrupted if I buy meat fully aware of the consequences my decisions have an impact on. Intentions are what make us who we are. Furthermore, I have been searching for ways to fight evil for most of my life, so this is a victory for me to have the opportunity to stand up for something simply by what I choose to consume. I enjoy the feeling of a personal victory against all the greed out there. There is really nothing quite like it.
Eating meat is a life style as old as time. For whatever reason we have predators on this earth, I will never understand it. But there is a respectful way of eating meat, and there is a disrespectful way of eating it. The only group of people I am aware of who still play by the same rules as the Native Americans did are the Eskimos. They live off the land. They hunt and gather their food. They live many months in harsh winter conditions. Growing vegetables is not a reality for them. However, they respect life, which means they do not waste any part of the animal they catch. They wear it, eat it, make utensils, and can even use whale blubber as oil for lanterns.
The Eskimos do not buy food. They are active participants in the food chain that play by the rules of nature, not by rules of greed. They are not wearing seal skin because it is fashionable. They wear it because that is how they stay warm. It keeps them alive. It is the difference between freezing to death and not. Shamefully, the country I live in not only promotes wearing fur, but they support it. People buy it and see nothing wrong with killing an animal solely for it's fur because it is fashionable. Wearing fur is one of the most expensive options out there, and it is by far not the only option to keep us warm. So why buy it other than to exercise vanity? These animals are skinned alive. If I have to explain why the vanity in that is wrong, then I really will have lost all my faith in humanity.
Since I am not an eskimo, I do not hunt or gather my food. I use money to get everything I need. I am not playing by the the laws of nature. I am playing by the laws of man, which only recognize the rights of human beings, not animals. Since I have a responsibility to care for the Earth, I should be mindful how I consume all things. Becoming vegan is really about going green. It's about being pro-earth in every sense. I respect the earth, and I respect all life in it. I do not eat meat because the way my money is used to get meat is disrespectful to the creature. To name a few things off the top of my head, cows are more often than not injected with hormones to grow faster than normal, overfed to get fat, and killed too soon in its life, which means, most steaks are a form of veal since they are killed from one week old to 16 months. Do I even need to mention how this is an act of greed?
I have the resources available to me to be a responsible and respectful inhabitant of our planet. In a sense, I can live like the Eskimo when my money is used respectfully. I believe we are defined by the intention of our decisions. Knowing what I know now, my intentions would not be corrupted if I buy meat fully aware of the consequences my decisions have an impact on. Intentions are what make us who we are. Furthermore, I have been searching for ways to fight evil for most of my life, so this is a victory for me to have the opportunity to stand up for something simply by what I choose to consume. I enjoy the feeling of a personal victory against all the greed out there. There is really nothing quite like it.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Think a Vegan can't have spaghetti? WRONG!
Spaghetti is absolutely one of my favorite comfort foods that I was determined to find an equally delicious alternative for because I wasn't about to give that up!
See that? That's a noodle better than most pastas you would buy anyway. All you gluten free people can have this too. Costco has it all.
My choice of meat alternative is the Italian Style veggie sausages. You have to play around with the meat alternatives to find the one you like best, but this one has a lot of flavor already that I can work with, so I opted for this one. I took two out of the bag and grated it in my food processor for a ground beef texture.
To spruce up my sauce, I sauteed half an onion and a few tablespoons of garlic (I love garlic) in olive oil first and seasoned with salt and pepper. Then I added my grated veggie sausages and combined a jar of marinara sauce. I also chopped up a few basil leaves from my garden and added it into the sauce.
Oh, and of course I topped it off with some dairy free grated parmesan.
Mhmm. We don't have to miss out on a thing these days!
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