Breaking the Stereotypes

Have you ever had one conversation with somebody and have been either put off by them or maybe decided you liked them right away, but later on realized they were not at all who you thought they were? First impressions tend to lead our perception of someone we just met into a misleading category we have set up in our minds to understand how that person fits into our world. However, the more I learn about people, the more I realize that first impressions are very rarely ever accurate. Revisit some of the meetings you have had with a new person for the first time. There must be at least one or two of those times in meeting someone new that you weren't having a good day. It would make sense then that there are people you may have possibly rubbed the wrong way given your first impression, or maybe you gave an overly dramatic, joyful impression of yourself. Picture these scenarios:

Character #1: An international student from Africa who wears a lot of Jesus cross necklaces and says a lot of statements like, "Praise God" or "God bless you." As far as the exterior of this man is concerned, he seems very genuine and is a likable human being. He's got a funny African accent and a fun personality people enjoy. Now, for someone who talks about Bible school and God so much, you would expect the actions to match the flamboyance of Christianity he expresses.

Character #2: A biker guy with sleeves on both arms, pierced ears, black clothing, skull shirts. At first glance, he doesn't seem approachable. Perhaps, even a little intimidating. Having been his partner in Spanish class a few times, he has been a pleasure to work with and treats people respectfully. Let me notate for a moment that he has been one of very few guys who actually looked at my hand, took notice to the bling on my left finger and immediately changed his demeanor around me.

Now, Character #1 has expressed an interest in me that crosses the boundary of respect to my marriage. Character #2 changed his attitude the minute he saw my ring. His appearance is misleading, as he seems like someone you would not want to cross. Character #1 on the other hand, should have backed off the inappropriate comments after learning of my husband. My interactions with these two characters have catapulted the shattering of my stereotypical structures of people. We really never know who people are until we see how they act. I have heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words" and that is probably a saying that most people are familiar with. However, it is not something that has had a very strong impact on me until recently.

I live in the Melting Pot of different cultures, upbringings and political views fused together in one city. I am honestly surprised by people all the time. First impressions mean very little here to me. I never ever know what I'm going to get from someone anymore. Yet, I am very happy about this because it makes it very difficult for me to pre-judge people the way I used to when I lived in more conservative places. It's helped me strengthen my beliefs about the world around me which are: A) We just do not know for sure about anything unless there is enough evidence to suggest an explanation. I resent how scientific that sounds. However, I am not suggesting that supernatural evidence which cannot be weighed, measured or  touched is not a form evidence. I am simply saying that we need to have some type of evidence whether it be through the supernatural intuitive ways or earthly, tangible ways. B) I actually understand now that it isn't what people preach or what they say their beliefs are that tell us about them. "Even the devil believes in God," it states in the Bible. I use that as symbolic poetry to demonstrate how people can believe something is true, but not necessarily follow that belief. Character #1 is a prime example of how his first impression is misleading; a Christian man should know better than to hit on a married woman.

Now that I have learned how little first impressions really mean, I have to question why we all value first impressions so much. I know there are other people out there who have been completely wrong about someone they met. It can't just be me. In fact, when I think about interviews I have had for different jobs, I wasn't accurately representing myself. Consequently, it is difficult for us to accurately represent ourselves for a job when we groom ourselves to present a certain way. When we reflect on that for a moment, it makes so much sense how drama queens, sluts, compulsive liars and sexual harassers get hired. Not only are we inaccurately representing ourselves the first time we meet someone, but we are told to do it. "First impression... can't get rid of that first impression." "It's all about the first impression." "You gotta wow them for them to hire you." "It's that first impression that sticks." We spend so much time worrying about how other people perceive us, of course we are all going to censor ourselves to fit into a situation. It is silly then to think any of us don't censor ourselves to make people believe a certain way about us. We are trained to present ourselves in a way we think others want us to be in the work force, in religion if you follow or when we meet new people. In that type of set up, there is very few wiggle room to be yourself. As a result, it is not ironic that the kind, sweet next door neighbor was the serial killer blasted on the news, or that Mrs. Penelope slept with your best friend's husband or that Catholic Priests are molesting little boys. People are going ape crazy censoring themselves to fit into a nice picture the world wants to see. I, Ana DaCosta, hereby pledge to ban the practice of glamorizing our first impressions to other people.

"Let's get REAL here people!" just suddenly became a more serious phrase.