Spiritual Enlightenment

Who is the Creator? I don't know. I have been experiencing a spiritual roller coaster since I was aware I was living on the planet Earth. I have struggled with not understanding the concepts of Christianity, regardless of what denomination I was researching. Recently, I have let go of trying to figure it out, and have put to rest my questions on who the creator is and what my part in life brings to the world. There are many who might feel sad at the thought of not knowing the answers to these questions, and how lonely it must feel. Subsequently, I would have to agree that it is very lonely. I do feel alone right now in the sense that I do not know my purpose here, only that I am making it up as I go. I am attracted to spiritual teachings, but I fail to understand the concept of many of them. Although I do not understand my purpose here, I am trying to make a purpose for myself in this life by feeding off the energy my relationships with people bring, reading quotes of wisdom left by our ancient ancestors, and challenging myself to be a better human being.

One of the ways I find purpose in my life is by fulfilling a spiritual part in me when my relationships with people are genuine, sincere, and meaningful. When I walk away from spending time with a friend or rekindling a friendship, I just light up inside. I feel happy that there are people who enjoy me and I enjoy them. Good friendships bring more than just happiness into my life though. For instance, a girlfriend of mine has been struggling with a recent engagement break up in which her family is acting cold towards her because they do not feel she is handling it the way they think she should. Without her family's help and support in this part of her life, I have been able to talk with her, and listen to how she feels. I know she has been very grateful that she has someone she can talk to about this, since everyone else has no patience to lend an ear about the matter anymore. Through my own personal struggles with family through my own mistakes that I have made, I feel that I have been able to make a difference in her life by being a friend that isn't criticizing her choices or making her feel badly because of her struggles. Instead, I feel as if I am this cuddly bear she can sit with to comfort her. As a result, I am seeing her progress through this dark place in her life, not because of me, but because I am walking by her side through this transition into a happier place in her life. That makes me feel that I have served a purpose in her life which makes this relationship meaningful to me, and shows me what kind of person I am choosing to be. Instead of focusing on what my purpose is, my friendships help me focus on the purpose of wanting to live.

Another way I find purpose in my life is through reading stories with messages or quotes of wisdom meant to inspire or help people. The Native American values have become my primary source of information to check my behavior in accordance with theirs. Their way of thinking is important to me because it reminds me of what I should be doing. For example, an old Cherokee legend about two wolves explains an important message of the spirit each of us have. I will tell the story here.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. 

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy." It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." 

He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I don't know a human being alive who does not struggle with which wolf to feed at times. This Cherokee legend reminds me that I have to feed the good wolf to keep that spirit alive in me. The good spirit only dies if I let it. When I begin to feel the emotions of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed or any of those unpleasant emotions, I know I need to fight those feelings to get the better side of me. I also find myself listening to the message of Little Hawk over and over again to invite the spirit into my life. Here is the link, Little Hawk, where you can breathe in his insightful words too. It is an important part of my life now to read the messages and knowledge of our ancient ancestors because we live in a world now where it is far too easy to disconnect with what is real. Their words guide me to recognize the spirit, and listen to it when I am aware of its presence. 

When I listen to the presence of the spirit, I take an opportunity to become a better person. Sometimes, the right thing to do is not the easy thing to do. For example, when someone cuts me off on the highway, I feed the bad wolf by cussing up a storm in the car, honking my horn profusely, and possibly even throwing the middle finger in there. It is much more difficult to stay calm, and ignore their irresponsible driving. Immediately after I calm down, I realize that it was a waste of energy to get myself worked up in the heat of the moment. It did not serve me well. What does serve me well is when I manage to get by with rolling my eyes, a big sigh, and pushing it to the back of my mind. The only person it hurts to be angry is me, meanwhile, the stupid driver is happily driving ahead not giving me a second thought. If we take this a step further, and analyze road rage, what could happen to me if I kept feeding the bad wolf in this situation? Maybe the gun would come out next time. So this may seem like a small challenge, but small challenges can lead to bigger problems if we do not handle them well. By challenging myself to make the right choice in my daily struggles, I become a better person by practicing patience. Having patience also makes me feel alive, and brings meaning into my life because I feel in control. If I do not have control of myself, then someone else will, and I will not be able to find a purpose in living if my freedom is gone.

By practicing self-control, I become more like the people I admire. I can feel the good spirit inside. Feeling the spirit strengthens my relationship with others. In addition, being guided by the spirit the Natives talk about help me make the right choices. When I practice this way of life, good people come my way. Having that sense of community around me has been crucial to my happiness here. It is because of how I choose to live my life that the kind of people I respect cross my path. My relationships are a reflection of me, because there must be some common ground to form a bond. When I take a step back and look at my friends, I know I walk on a good and balanced path. I have a community around me in all places of this world who are all so different from each other in what they believe, but not in what they practice. They are kind to others, and care about the people in their life. It is in my friendships that I am able to see the joys life can bring to me. I cannot appreciate the glass being half full if I spend my time being angry about the half that is empty. In other words, by focusing my energy on unanswered questions I have, it influences me to focus on the evil of this world. However, if I stop being angry about what I cannot understand, I am influenced to enjoy the beauty, peace and good people of this world.