Today, I was asked why I went from being Christian to not believing in God anymore. This is the last time I will discuss my reasons for leaving the faith, since I touch on this issue on a few other posts. I also realized that I do not have an official explanation as to what exactly happened to my faith. In a way, this is closure for me to write about this as it is feels like a final step in letting go. Let me say, it surely did not happen over night. There are three fundamental beliefs in Christianity that I realized over the last year or so that I do not believe.
First of all, the most important belief in Christianity is that Jesus is our Savior, as in he died for our sins and was somehow resurrected. I never understood the concept of someone dying for the sins of all mankind. I cannot wrap my brain around this. It does not make sense to me that someone sacrifices his life for us because we cannot return to where we came from if that was not accomplished. My immediate thought that breaks off from this is that Adam and Eve were set up in a garden to fail. The forbidden fruit tree was nothing but a trap when you really think about it. If the plan all along was for them to eat the forbidden fruit so that we could know right from wrong, how exactly does two people get punished for doing something that was part of a plan?
Secondly, if you believe in Jesus, then you also believe he was born of a virgin. There is no way to comment on that without sounding arrogant, rude or prejudiced so I will just leave that statement alone for pondering. Additionally, this made me wonder why I never questioned it. After taking much time to reflect on this, I realized that I had been regurgitating what I learned in church. I was taught from a young age the 13 articles of faith and had them all memorized at one point. I was like an 18 year old college student memorizing information for an exam. Once I realized I was spitting out things I did not even understand, I had to take some time to myself and think about what my beliefs really were. Then I came to the conclusion that I didn't believe this after all.
Lastly, I have issues with the "word of God" which changes from the Old to New Testament. For example, the concept of a loving, almighty God allowing men to have multiple wives was acceptable, but then later on it was to only be one man and one woman in the New Testament. There is also the implication that marriage is between a man and a woman, so same sex couples are sinners. I have never been able to truly agree that gay folk are sinners. "Clean the speck out of your own eye before you clean the speck out of someone else's." No one has clean eyes, so it does not seem right to meddle in other people's preferences. My understanding of a loving God would consider the feelings of everyone involved, not simply the desires of men (plural marriages) or what the gender has to offer in a relationship (i.e. the ability to bare children doesn't exist for the gays). There are also quite a few stories in there that are a little too much for the brain. To name a few, Noah somehow captured two animals of every kind on a boat without using sedatives or killing them to cooperate. Jonah lived in a whale's stomach for three days, somehow surpassing that massive creature's digestive system. I cannot take these words literally, and I cannot preach to someone else about the bible when I do not believe everything myself.
If I am unsure that Jesus is a Savior, reject the claim he was born of a virgin, and do not believe the words literally of the Bible, then I obviously cannot be labeled a Christian. However, I do enjoy the moral of the stories that the Bible teaches. I believe a man named Jesus existed because there are books outside of the Bible that mention him. However, I also believe that Mary had sex with Joseph in order to conceive him. Do I believe Jesus is a Savior? That is where I simply cannot say I know that because I prayed and got a good feeling about it. If we made every decision based off our feelings, we would make many terrible mistakes. Imagine if you made me angry and my gut told me to punch you? Yikes. It isn't safe to go through life making choices based off your feelings. I think that leads to a delusional perspective of your life and the world you live in. In addition, I am willing to at least say that I believe there is a creator. I believe in spirits because of my experiences with intuition, which some may call a revelation. I am not atheist or agnostic since I do believe in a creator and I do believe in spirits. I only reject the Biblical explanation of God. That doesn't mean I reject the idea of a creator or the idea of spirituality. I simply cannot be labeled a Christian. So, the answer to the question I was asked today is that it was a spiritual journey on my quest to the truth. I am spiritual, non-religious, which is not that crazy of a jump from Christianity if you are able to consider my perspective on it.
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