I am no longer eligible for financial aid since Ron and I together make "too much" now. Boy, they sure are getting tight with money. If we make too much then I understand the joke now about people saying, "Just have a kid. Then you'll get help." NO KIDDING... Why do those of us who make responsible choices in life get punished? If I was a single mama, I'd be gettin' all kinds of financial aid. This is a dead argument, but needed to be stated for venting purposes. I feel better already. Kinda.
Over the summer, I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot be a full time student. I can't afford to live and go to school full time, so I will have to chip away at college even slower than I ever anticipated. This is going to be a life journey. Now that I know this, I wonder if a bachelors is even worth the investment at this point. An associate's degree might just be the only thing actually feasible. I'm going to make that my goal to get an associate's for now. It's attainable, the goal is reachable. Bachelors is goin' on the back burner. Not so confident about that anymore since financial aid is out of the question now.
People say, "Just take out loans." Umm... the subjects I enjoy studying are not worth the $50,000 loans. I really have to sit here and assess the investment, which at the rate tuition rises every year, I am more doubtful about the value of higher education as time goes on, honestly. We have a house. That's a big debt that won't be squashed any time soon. I am likely to go through at least five more cars in my life time, add that debt to the list. I'm starting to think that getting back in the work force debt-free is the smart way to go. I'm not going to school for super high paying careers, so, I need to be reasonable with debt.
Getting older for me has given me more confidence in my decisions and to do what I feel is best for me regardless of what everyone else thinks. There are many who will judge me, and will even look down on me if I don't get a bachelors degree. I have realized though that these are not people I want around me. If people are going to place my value based on what a piece of paper says about me, then good ridden to prestige. I don't welcome that into my world, ever.
I'm going to enjoy life, and that is a choice we have to make on our own because as much as we think we control life... we really don't. So roll with the punches I say... make that lemonade from those lemons life throws at ya and drink that delicious glass. Besides, what is life about? Family, friends and good food. If you have the 3 F's in life, then that's a darn good life. ;-)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
People
I know it's not good to fester in hate, but man. I'm really beginning to dislike people each day that goes by. Thankfully, this is my healthy outlet to vent and release frustration. Some customers out there are the unhappiest people I know. If you can condescend on a smiling, hard worker because you think they are worthless or whatever, your life is full of pretentious crap. Dealing with people like this takes an abnormal amount of patience and confidence in yourself to know that this person is just part of your paycheck, but at the same time, I feel like I betray myself when I allow people to talk down to me. It's enabling that behavior. I wish to be a customer one day who catches another customer acting rude so I can put them in their place. I crave that.
There was a scene in True Blood I watched a few weeks ago, in which the werewolf pack leader is talking to his dad about being a loner wolf. The dad says to his son that the pack life isn't for us, you will soon see that.
I internalized that deeply because it hit home with me. I feel the same way about people. Not only do I deal with crappy people on a daily basis, but I also notice that social circles are things I avoid. I don't enjoy hanging out in groups of people because people behave strangely when they're in a group. Someone wants to prove him/herself, one needs attention, another will compete for the attention. I have just noticed that people act differently when in a group. The last time I hung out with a "group" was in middle school. Even in high school, I did not have a group I belonged to. The loner wolf mentality began in high school in which I was friends with different people from different "groups." I never fit into a group now that I think of it.
I am content with being the loner wolf. It's peaceful and keeps drama out of my life. For many years, I believed something was wrong with me because I never seemed to fit the standards of any group or congregation. Now, I don't care and see that all the friends I have are people actually worth your time. It's not quantity, it's quality of friendship that matters to me. Hanging out with friends one on one is always more fulfilling anyway because you can connect with the person on a personal level.
On another note of people sucking, I am disappointed to find out that Life Group is stuck in the Old Testament, and preaches tithing, exactly 10%. I guess I should not be surprised. When something sounds too good to be true, it often is, and it proved true in Life Group. It amazes me how many congregations miss the principles of the New Testament, tithing is one of them. "God loves a cheerful giver," 2 Corinthians 9.
It's just me and the New Testament these days. I'm gonna have to press the pause button on looking for Christian fellowship for now. Perhaps, it is a sign that I should study alone so I can have a firm grasp on what scripture says before settling into any type of fellowship. PLUS, I still do not label myself Christian for I still question if Jesus was born of a virgin and if he is a Savior...
Once again, I believe in God because the principles of the Bible feel true in my heart. But all the supernatural stuff of it doesn't sink in my brain with confidence that I can go around claiming I am a Christian. I'm a "Christ follower" without the Christian title. I really do talk the talk and walk the walk of a loner wolf.
I cannot be labeled. I do not fit in with groups of people, and I am starting to enjoy it. It just makes me more self-sufficient. I don't need to fit in to have a relationship with God. If I've learned anything by stepping away from religion, it is just that. You can have a relationship with God. You don't need a label, and you do not need to be part of a congregation.
You are loved just the way you are.
There was a scene in True Blood I watched a few weeks ago, in which the werewolf pack leader is talking to his dad about being a loner wolf. The dad says to his son that the pack life isn't for us, you will soon see that.
I internalized that deeply because it hit home with me. I feel the same way about people. Not only do I deal with crappy people on a daily basis, but I also notice that social circles are things I avoid. I don't enjoy hanging out in groups of people because people behave strangely when they're in a group. Someone wants to prove him/herself, one needs attention, another will compete for the attention. I have just noticed that people act differently when in a group. The last time I hung out with a "group" was in middle school. Even in high school, I did not have a group I belonged to. The loner wolf mentality began in high school in which I was friends with different people from different "groups." I never fit into a group now that I think of it.
I am content with being the loner wolf. It's peaceful and keeps drama out of my life. For many years, I believed something was wrong with me because I never seemed to fit the standards of any group or congregation. Now, I don't care and see that all the friends I have are people actually worth your time. It's not quantity, it's quality of friendship that matters to me. Hanging out with friends one on one is always more fulfilling anyway because you can connect with the person on a personal level.
On another note of people sucking, I am disappointed to find out that Life Group is stuck in the Old Testament, and preaches tithing, exactly 10%. I guess I should not be surprised. When something sounds too good to be true, it often is, and it proved true in Life Group. It amazes me how many congregations miss the principles of the New Testament, tithing is one of them. "God loves a cheerful giver," 2 Corinthians 9.
It's just me and the New Testament these days. I'm gonna have to press the pause button on looking for Christian fellowship for now. Perhaps, it is a sign that I should study alone so I can have a firm grasp on what scripture says before settling into any type of fellowship. PLUS, I still do not label myself Christian for I still question if Jesus was born of a virgin and if he is a Savior...
Once again, I believe in God because the principles of the Bible feel true in my heart. But all the supernatural stuff of it doesn't sink in my brain with confidence that I can go around claiming I am a Christian. I'm a "Christ follower" without the Christian title. I really do talk the talk and walk the walk of a loner wolf.
I cannot be labeled. I do not fit in with groups of people, and I am starting to enjoy it. It just makes me more self-sufficient. I don't need to fit in to have a relationship with God. If I've learned anything by stepping away from religion, it is just that. You can have a relationship with God. You don't need a label, and you do not need to be part of a congregation.
You are loved just the way you are.
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