People

I know it's not good to fester in hate, but man. I'm really beginning to dislike people each day that goes by. Thankfully, this is my healthy outlet to vent and release frustration. Some customers out there are the unhappiest people I know. If you can condescend on a smiling, hard worker because you think they are worthless or whatever, your life is full of pretentious crap. Dealing with people like this takes an abnormal amount of patience and confidence in yourself to know that this person is just part of your paycheck, but at the same time, I feel like I betray myself when I allow people to talk down to me. It's enabling that behavior. I wish to be a customer one day who catches another customer acting rude so I can put them in their place. I crave that.

There was a scene in True Blood I watched a few weeks ago, in which the werewolf pack leader is talking to his dad about being a loner wolf. The dad says to his son that the pack life isn't for us, you will soon see that.

I internalized that deeply because it hit home with me. I feel the same way about people. Not only do I deal with crappy people on a daily basis, but I also notice that social circles are things I avoid. I don't enjoy hanging out in groups of people because people behave strangely when they're in a group. Someone wants to prove him/herself, one needs attention, another will compete for the attention. I have just noticed that people act differently when in a group. The last time I hung out with a "group" was in middle school. Even in high school, I did not have a group I belonged to. The loner wolf mentality began in high school in which I was friends with different people from different "groups." I never fit into a group now that I think of it.

I am content with being the loner wolf. It's peaceful and keeps drama out of my life. For many years, I believed something was wrong with me because I never seemed to fit the standards of any group or congregation. Now, I don't care and see that all the friends I have are people actually worth your time. It's not quantity, it's quality of friendship that matters to me. Hanging out with friends one on one is always more fulfilling anyway because you can connect with the person on a personal level.

On another note of people sucking, I am disappointed to find out that Life Group is stuck in the Old Testament, and preaches tithing, exactly 10%. I guess I should not be surprised. When something sounds too good to be true, it often is, and it proved true in Life Group. It amazes me how many congregations miss the principles of the New Testament, tithing is one of them. "God loves a cheerful giver," 2 Corinthians 9.

6Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.7Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

It's just me and the New Testament these days. I'm gonna have to press the pause button on looking for Christian fellowship for now. Perhaps, it is a sign that I should study alone so I can have a firm grasp on what scripture says before settling into any type of fellowship. PLUS, I still do not label myself Christian for I still question if Jesus was born of a virgin and if he is a Savior...

Once again, I believe in God because the principles of the Bible feel true in my heart. But all the supernatural stuff of it doesn't sink in my brain with confidence that I can go around claiming I am a Christian. I'm a "Christ follower" without the Christian title. I really do talk the talk and walk the walk of a loner wolf.

I cannot be labeled. I do not fit in with groups of people, and I am starting to enjoy it. It just makes me more self-sufficient. I don't need to fit in to have a relationship with God. If I've learned anything by stepping away from religion, it is just that. You can have a relationship with God. You don't need a label, and you do not need to be part of a congregation.

You are loved just the way you are.