Wishy Washy

I'm back in my little, "I need to finish school" routine. In-N-Out is a good job with awesome perks and benefits. However, recently, I have had a lot of time to ponder and reflect being that I was not in school this semester. I quickly realized that In-N-Out is good for now, but it won't be good enough forever. I don't see myself retiring here. I see myself moving up as far as I can go, but eventually will want a career change. Haha. What the heck is wrong with me? I can never make up my mind. 

Recently, at In-N-Out, I have been dragging on and on in the same positions not exactly being given opportunities to master my newly learned job duties which is frustrating. Day by day has passed by with plenty of ample time to ponder the future and it did cross my mind that I won't be fulfilled here for the rest of my life. My brain is just capable of more. I need to be challenged more and I am eager to learn new things. I feel that my growth here has been stunted and that isn't what I saw coming so quickly. But it did, and you know what? That's perfectly OKAY. We have to go through things in life to move onto another phase right? We have to live our lives so we can learn more about what we are capable of and what we can offer in this world.

My registration date for the summer semester is May 27. The classes I need are already closed, not surprised. There is a math class I need that is offered in a lab setting, partly online as a move at your own pace type of course. Since it is the only one that will probably be open, I'll take it. I need the class. Just get it done. 

I have really been shying away from taking out school loans, but after discussing this over with a friend, it might just be worth it to do school loans to be enrolled full-time. It is super discouraging to pay for one class at a time. It makes me feel like I am wasting time. I don't know why it scares me so much to take out school loans, but it does. The idea of being in 1,000's of dollars of debt is frightening to me. But perhaps, I need to just confront the fear and commit to the debt... as scary as it seems. 

I listen too much to the conspiracy theorists. Their ideas of how student loan debt is going to crash the economy freaks me out. Even more scary, that I won't find a job after school is over. THEN what do you do?