God Works in Mysterious Ways

I've heard this phrase a lot, and never understood it until now. "God works in mysterious ways."

Strange, how I discovered  a community of people called, "Life Group" on a reality show I watch with Ron, the Real Housewives of Orange County. I learn a lot watching people in their lives, how they handle conflict, meeting new people very different from themselves, what they value, and so forth. It is a way for me to see how I relate to people, and to develop qualities in myself that I like in them and to keep myself in check with the behaviors I do not like.

Anyway, one of the housewives Lydia is a converted Christian who shared with us her fellowship time with a group of people she spends time with weekly. They are part of something called, "Life Group." They get together and go to someone's house, discuss their week, their troubles, their accomplishments, their stresses, gather advice, talk about God, read scripture. I just thought to myself, wow, I would love to be part of something like that! I read Lydia's blog after the episode and read more about Life Group, so then I researched it.

It lead me to a blog written yesterday from the Life Group website that spoke to me exactly in answer to my prayers.

"Walk the Line" <-- click that 

There are 5 or 6 Life Groups in San Diego working together to feed the homeless, help victims of human trafficking and women in unwanted pregnancies. Yes, this is what I have been searching for! I am so excited about this, I can't even stop smiling right now. I signed up to be contacted and I am anxiously awaiting my phone call to get involved. 

I can't wait to begin my journey in service to people that need my help with people alike. I have a feeling I am going to meet some amazing human beings and gain some really awesome friends. 

The emptiness I have been feeling is dissipating, and this whole thing cannot be a coincidence after prayer. I was very specific in my prayers.

I prayed to see what my purpose was. 

I prayed for self-awareness, and to see God. 

I asked him to show himself to me.

I asked sincerely, and I am seeing a path that I would have never before even thought of taking. 

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." This is my life. This is my journey. This is real. These are the times I must always remember. The times I learned something new, realized the truth, and how I am growing as a person.

27 Years Old

That's right. Happy Birthday to Me! My family is here and we are celebrating my birthday! Saturday will be loads of fun because we are having a bonfire on the beach. I will be boogie boarding all day long. I will take many photos and post them. This will be a good one. I can feel it.

27 years old, geez. Every year, the time seems to go faster. This has been a big year for me.

I've made the deans list.

My husband has bought us our first house together.

I am boogie boarding, and I have been deathly afraid of the ocean.

My little sister is engaged.

I abandoned God.

And now, at the very end of this 26th year of life, I am letting God back in.

Living a life for myself has not been very fulfilling for me. I've wised up on a lot of things this year. There is definitely a reason for everything and why we go through the things we do. Let me tell you!

I had to strip God out of my life and live a life without him to understand what life meant without God. But then, I noticed my soul was lost. When I say my soul was lost, that means that I did not see a purpose for myself. Why am I here? Where am I going? If I have no purpose here, then what the heck am I doing here? I struggled with that this year, and it has brought me to some very dark places that I did not enjoy revisiting. 

I decided to pray. I haven't prayed a real prayer in over a year. Strange, I didn't even know what to say at first or what to pray for. I just said, "Hi God. I don't see you when I walk out my door. Show yourself to me because I cannot see."

Over the next few weeks after that, I started to see that fear and anger have been holding me back from seeing the light. I have been living a life full of fears. Afraid to be vulnerable with my husband. Afraid to be myself. Afraid to have kids. And then angry because I have these fears. All the sudden, it clicked. This is what demons are. They are fear, anger, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, and all of these negative emotions that KEEP us from being happy people. Demons are these spirits that feed our mind discouraging thoughts. 

So I prayed to God and asked him to cast these demons out. I want to live a meaningful life, a life in which I have purpose. I asked him how I can find purpose in my life because worldly accomplishments and duties are not satisfying my platter. I'm too spiritually aware. I live in a world where spiritual purposes are looked down upon, but this is what my heart yearns for. 

Then it occurred to me, serve others. Live a life in service to your people, and think less about yourself. The more selfless you become, the more like Christ you will become, and you will have purpose in your life. In God, you will have self-esteem. Then the thought came to my mind that a homebody I am and enjoy being. A home filled with love is my passion, and serving my dear husband gives me great satisfaction. Wow, wait a minute... motherhood? This whole time that I have been looking down on motherhood, that is the most selfless way of serving Christ by raising children with love and to love others. Because you know what is the biggest problem I see in the world today? Not enough love. Love is not found in every home. Compassion, empathy and integrity is not being instilled in every home. I see a lot of evil in this world, and everything we learn starts in the home. 

Parents are failing to be parents. 

... This whole time, I looked down on parenting. Not even realizing that I could make a difference in the home, the very thing I thought was despicable. Yet, is responsible for the welfare of humanity. 

Motherhood.

Motherhood? 

This is the Lord answering my prayer. I understand now. I understand what the people meant when they said, "God knows what is best for us, and sometimes it is not what we think it is." 

I had to go through what I did to become the person that I meant to be. It's clicking. Things are finally beginning to click and make sense. My soul is healing.