Sera Sera

I am so sad that today is the last day of my school break. Although, I did have a good, long month break. I really shouldn't complain. However, I am coughing up mucus, blowing my nose, and trying to pop my congested right ear. Not exactly how I planned on going to school tomorrow. 

Good thing I got to see some friends this month. I needed it. It has charged my batteries, so I am ready to bust through this next semester without any of them around. 

Tonight was a special night. I spent it with a dear friend from Virginia who I have not seen in almost seven years. We drank champagne and ate strawberries at the Top of the Hyatt last night. My husband was with us, and he drove us to Pacific Beach so we could bar hop and dance. 

Today, we walked on the beaches of Del Mar and La Jolla. Ate chipotle shrimp at Flavor and enjoyed Tapas at La Valencia Hotel listening to a jazz pianist that was blind. It was a beautiful day. I will always remember it. 

It is hard to fall asleep when you are sick. I am watching the Vampire Diaries to get me in rest mode. Long day tomorrow.

Father

Last night, I spoke to my dad on the phone for about two solid hours. I don't even know how we managed to fill up that amount of time in conversation, but we did. 

It is strange how it happened too. Ron asked my dad to give us some money for the house that we are approved for without me knowing. My dad called me to ask the details of the house, and so I told him what I knew. Then he told me he wanted to help, and that Ron had asked him if he could. I was shocked to say the least. I have never asked my dad for anything, nothing. I am very grateful though because now it looks like we really are going to get the house, and I don't have to sell my wedding rings now. When I told my dad that I was going to sell them, that's when he said, "No. It shouldn't come to that. Let me help." Well, if you say so. Am I really going to be that prideful that I lose my wedding rings instead of accepting help? No, I am not going to be a prideful fool, which shows that I have really grown up over the years on more than one level. First of all, I was actually willing to part with my wedding rings. Now, I am actually saying, "Yes, dad. I do need your help." 

Ron brought us closer together without even realizing it. Once again, there seems to always be a reason for everything that is happening in my life. I have had a battered relationship with my parents since my teenage years. My mom's relationship with me is at least cordial now, but I have never ever been close to my parents. Last night, I actually felt like my dad and I took the first step towards salvaging our damaged relationship. To his credit, it seemed as though he was waiting for me to be mature enough one day to forgive him, and tell him that I no longer judge him for who he is or what he has done because I have made many mistakes in my life too. "Clean the speck out of your own eye first," says the Bible, right? I'll have to agree on that word of wisdom.

WOW, right? I actually forgive my father for everything that has happened with our family, and I actually do not fault him for it anymore. Stepping outside the picture, I am able to see now that there were a million variables I had not considered before that complicates our family dynamic. Regardless, what a lesson to learn. I never thought I would see the day where my father and I could talk about the past like two mature adults, apologize, discuss our feelings, and actually learn how to move forward. Honestly, it feels like another invisible chain of bitterness that has broken free off my bloody ankles. I didn't realize my ankles were bleeding because I had become so numb to the pain of my parents mistakes. Now, I see that I have a wound that is ready to heal because I let down my pride for once.

The lesson I learned here is that pride sometimes stands in the way of letting ourselves forgive others. In this case, that was absolutely so. My father is another human being that does not deserve my condescending judgment on him. Sure, he has made mistakes, but I too hope to be forgiven for things that I do not do right. I cannot tell you how humbling this experience is. This is the first step in truly being able to accept people for who they are, not who I expect them to be or who I think they should be. And all of this was a repetition of the cycle I was taught by their mistakes, but I'm done with it. I am ending the cycle here. It ceases now.

New Years 2013

Ron and I were at his friends house, or shall I say mansion? We were there partying until 5 AM. It was a crazy, fun night. I love life with just me and my husband. We are free to go and do as we please, and come home to a cat who is always ready for love. Yet, he isn't pushy about it either. Best pet ever.  

This is the third year I have not made a New Years Resolution. I stopped having New Years Resolutions about two years ago because I felt like I should just make a change as I see fit, not wait for one particular day to do it. If you want to change, then just get on with it. Besides, I have failed every diet and resolution I ever made. However, I have succeeded in many other changes when they weren't New Years Resolutions. For example, getting in shape, eating healthier, keeping to myself at work, staying out of drama, and trying to be more tolerant of unlovable people are all vast improvements I have made over the last two years. The healthy stuff seemed to always be resolutions at one point or another, but they were successful this year because I decided to change when I was fed up with staying the same. It worked like a charm doing it that way.

When 2013 came, I clanked my champagne glass with everyone elses' and clanked it against my husband's cute pellegrino glass. I told him, "Happy New Year. May we hopefully be in a house in 2013!" Just the other day, we were approved for a house in Spring Valley that we really like. It is three bedrooms and two full bathrooms with a nice yard and two car garage. It has been completely remodeled. Hopefully, we can come up with the extra cash for the down payment by the end of this month. If it is meant to be, it will be. We are getting a house because paying rent is just stupid now. It goes up every year, and we don't get to keep the apartment by paying it off. It is a never ending bill that doesn't even give us any tax benefits. So, we decided to do the house thing.

 It might seem strange that we went into this without having the full amount of money for the down payment, but we just barely started house hunting a month ago. Ron's bought houses before, and we have had several friends go through the real estate process. On average, it has taken them at least a few months before finding a house they wanted. We thought it would be the same for us. Instead, we found a house and we were approved for it in exactly one month, which shortened our time to get the extra cash we would definitely have in a few months from now. I'm not complaining, I am just a little unsure of how this is going to turn out. I can't say I will be disappointed if we do not get the house because I am actually scared of this commitment believe it or not. It means we really are here to stay, and we aren't budging any time soon. If we have kids, this is where they will be raised. 

I will be excited when the deal closes. Only then will I be excited because I will realize it is real. Part of me is a little sad because I love our location. We can walk everywhere, and it is closer to work for both of us. Ron is selling his Steelers collectors items, the piano, possibly my wedding rings, and we already sold my gold necklace. We are parting with a lot of materialistic things to get this house. I know this will benefit us in the long run though, and we will be much happier having more space. We need to do this now while the market is still in the buyers favor. Otherwise, we may not ever be able to afford a home here.

2013 will be the year that gave us a home, not the year that ended the world as so many people believed. Coincidentally, 2013 is the mark of a new era for Ron and I. 

What is Success?

As I get older, I see that the meaning of success is something different to everyone. There is a popular meaning of success, which is that you graduated from college, acquired a good paying job with benefits that allows you to buy a house, drive a good car, get married, have a family, living a comfortable or wealthy life style. That seems to be the most accepted meaning of success in this modern era. I keep thinking about what success really means though, and to me, it isn't about the job, the degree, the house, or the car. Let me explain that I think it is important to work, learn and be informed, as well as having transportation as it simply makes your life a lot easier to live. However, I do not believe those things determine success. For me, success is about my relationships with people as well as asking myself the following questions: Do I try to be honest? Do I try to do good to others? Do I try to be selfless sometimes? Do I try to be humble? Can I at least say that I try to be good? Can I admit when I am wrong? Do I try to be a better person? Do I learn from my mistakes? Am I willing to apologize when I hurt someone else? Am I honest with myself about my feelings? Do I self-reflect? 

I can honestly say that I try to say yes to these questions every day, and that is what determines success in my life. When I am on my death bed, I want to be remembered for being kind, thoughtful and caring to other people, not just myself. I want friends and family to remember me as someone who sacrificed things to help others at times, and also as a person who reached out to other people. That, to me, is a life worth living. To lie on my death bed with family and friends' memories of me are about striving after the material things in this world would truly be a sad way to leave this life. After all, you will live on in the memories of others. It would be a shame to be remembered as someone that was selfish, arrogant, and pretentious. I actually want to be missed, and not become a figment of their imagination. 

Living in Southern California, I have met a lot more selfish, arrogant, and pretentious people more than anywhere I have ever lived. The reason why this is so is because the cost of living here is higher than most states, resulting in richer people who raise kids that develop high standards of living along with a sense of entitlement. Evidently, these kids have no idea what real struggles are, only read about them in college books about other cultures and upbringings. Even then, it does not humble them very much. I have started to become immune to this, in the sense that it isn't eating me up like it used to. Instead, I am able to deflect the nonsense and have no expectations of people anymore, which is a rather good thing. I didn't realize I had expectations from people until I moved here. There is a reason for everything after all.

At the end of my day now, I actually feel sorry for some of the people out here. They are dominated by the desires of our pop culture, but no one has taught them differently. It makes me really happy not to fit in with this way of thinking. That is a major reason why I am at peace with myself. While many people are suffering from anxiety and stress, I am relaxed and calm in the middle of this storm of a city. Take a look around in nature, no other creatures are stressing out the way humans do. I learn so much from that. I refuse to be pushed around by societal expectations. I am my own person. I determine what success means, not celebrities, not politicians, not CEO's, not 4.0 students, not anyone. My friends and family's attitude towards me is what tells me if I am the type of person I respect and admire. 

"I do not think the measure of a civilization is how tall its buildings of concrete are, but rather how well its people have learned to relate to their environment and fellow man."

-Sun Bear of the Chippewa Tribe 

Technology manners are born after all

I have mentioned the lack of manners in different posts about smart phone abusers and social site idiots. This mother's blog brings tears to my eyes, as she formally addresses the rules to her son's new iPhone Christmas gift. I am so excited to see that I am not some overreacting, tense human being when it comes to technology and the manners that should come with it.

Janell Hofman, you are one respectable, admirable mother! Here is her iPhone contract she wrote for her son when he opened his gift. It is music to my ears.

Janell's iPhone Contract

The interview with the son and mom

What a great way to start my day. Janell Hofman, you almost make me want a child. :-)