Fake Friends Helped Me Move On

The past several months have been what I will call a recycling period with the people who have come in and out of my life. It really is a vivid image of people from my past coming into my life and either staying or leaving. I have been reconnected with some friends from long ago. Sadly, a few that I thought were friends have shed from me like the dead skin from a snake. I am okay with that though because I have met some remarkable people who have come into my life during this process and am strengthening relationships with people that should remain or be part of my life. It was time to shed the dead weight and move stronger into a new phase of life.

I have been going to church again. A co-worker invited me a few months ago. I had not been to church in a couple years and so I hesitated to say yes at first. I really wasn't feeling it. I have been tired of trying to understand God and his mysterious ways. I took a good, long break from it. I'm glad I did. We all need to go through our own journeys to learn who we are and how to reach our potential. This time at church, I felt different about it. I wasn't going for any particular reason so I didn't feel obligated to like it. It was more of a courteousy acceptance to an invitation of a fellow worker.

Boy, my experience at Restored Church gave me something to remember. I actually felt loved during the worship. I understood what the pastors were talking about. I could relate to them. They are simple people, not rich or making money the way Joel Olsteen is or most religions. They spoke thought provoking things that challenge your character as a human being on earth. Things that could apply to even an Amazonian in the jungle. That is how I measure the truth. If an indigenous human can apply this teaching without having a Bible in hand, then it is truth. Truth is unbiased. It applies to everyone.

Tonight was my second night at Bible Study. These people feel like family already. I felt love in this home. Truth is here. Everyone attending is simple and humble. I had prayed for these things years ago. I specifically wanted to be surrounded by humble people who don't get absorbed in the world's lies. Call it an epiphany, revelation, prophecy, coincidence, divine nature. I'm gonna say my prayers were answered. I remember being 15 years old and asking God to please get me to a safe place where the people are not pretentious, competitive, and spoiled. I wanted so badly to be around resilient folk who value the loyalty of their friends and family, the kind of people who are grateful and have true peace in their hearts. Well, I am here... 12 years later. I am right where I dreamed to be when I was 15.

Maybe it would have happened sooner if I was more patient with God. But then again, perhaps I wouldn't have the same appreciation for what is had I not struggled to get here. Suffering is part of life, but on the other side of that coin is joy. We all have to suffer, but I see now that I can find peace through it so long as I take the opportunity to seek wisdom through it. Without suffering, could we truly understand joy? I wonder. All I know is that I am beginning a new relationship with God that feels like a clean slate. I am listening for wisdom.

I am liking this new phase in life I have entered. This is the beginning of my heart and mind working together in peace. My mind is being put to rest with the peace that wants to stay in my heart.

VeganISH

Oprah's Vegan Challenge <-- YouTube Video

I've come to the realization that I can handle being veganish, as Oprah states. As much as I agree with vegans and all the information available out there about animal rights, I am finding it extremely difficult to be a completely disciplined vegan. Kathy Preston went to hell and back with her health, so I can see how she slipped into vegan eating perfectly. However, my health hasn't taken a dramatic down turn like Kathy's because I eat fairly healthy for the most part. But I'm coming to terms with the idea that perhaps vegan eating isn't going to be my way of life every single day.

I get a free meal at work, and that's a nice little perk.

 Sometimes, I want New York Style pizza.

Sometimes, I want pesto in my marinara sauce for my spaghetti.

Sometimes, I want a croissant. 

Sometimes, I want scrambled eggs with buttered toast.

*sigh*

I love animals. I know that when I eat anything that comes from an animal, I fail as a human being because I don't have as much compassion as vegans do. Vegans are very admirable people because they really can't live with hurting innocent creatures for their taste buds pleasure. I applaud them. I think these people are stellar examples of ultimate compassion, so I am disappointed in myself that I can't commit to the club. 

But what is reasonable for me? I have drastically cut down what I eat that comes from animals. I limit myself to only eating burgers when I'm at work, if I opt in for the free meal. I usually eat vegetarian when I go out, and it's a bonus if I'm feeling sacrificial that day and decide to eat vegan instead. We don't buy meat in our house. I use animal free products in my bathroom. I've made some really positive changes in my consumer habits because I do care up to a certain level.

But can I ever be a true vegan? 

I dunno.

Perhaps, one day I can. But for right now, it isn't working so well for me. I'd call myself a vegetarian if it wasn't for my burgers that I eat at work occasionally. But ya know what? Screw the labels. If I'm mostly vegetarian, and sometimes vegan, then that's pretty good in my book. I know a lot of people that wouldn't even think of being vegetarian for a week or even vegan for a day.

It is what it is, my friends. But just because I'm veganish, doesn't mean I want your chicken pot pie or your filet mignon. I just can't be a perfect vegan is all I'm admitting to, but I try my best and forget the rest!

Wishy Washy

I'm back in my little, "I need to finish school" routine. In-N-Out is a good job with awesome perks and benefits. However, recently, I have had a lot of time to ponder and reflect being that I was not in school this semester. I quickly realized that In-N-Out is good for now, but it won't be good enough forever. I don't see myself retiring here. I see myself moving up as far as I can go, but eventually will want a career change. Haha. What the heck is wrong with me? I can never make up my mind. 

Recently, at In-N-Out, I have been dragging on and on in the same positions not exactly being given opportunities to master my newly learned job duties which is frustrating. Day by day has passed by with plenty of ample time to ponder the future and it did cross my mind that I won't be fulfilled here for the rest of my life. My brain is just capable of more. I need to be challenged more and I am eager to learn new things. I feel that my growth here has been stunted and that isn't what I saw coming so quickly. But it did, and you know what? That's perfectly OKAY. We have to go through things in life to move onto another phase right? We have to live our lives so we can learn more about what we are capable of and what we can offer in this world.

My registration date for the summer semester is May 27. The classes I need are already closed, not surprised. There is a math class I need that is offered in a lab setting, partly online as a move at your own pace type of course. Since it is the only one that will probably be open, I'll take it. I need the class. Just get it done. 

I have really been shying away from taking out school loans, but after discussing this over with a friend, it might just be worth it to do school loans to be enrolled full-time. It is super discouraging to pay for one class at a time. It makes me feel like I am wasting time. I don't know why it scares me so much to take out school loans, but it does. The idea of being in 1,000's of dollars of debt is frightening to me. But perhaps, I need to just confront the fear and commit to the debt... as scary as it seems. 

I listen too much to the conspiracy theorists. Their ideas of how student loan debt is going to crash the economy freaks me out. Even more scary, that I won't find a job after school is over. THEN what do you do? 

People Suck

Writing here is a safe way for me to sort out the heavy things in my mind, process it, then understand and deal with it. I have had plenty on my mind lately. I dislike humans. I think we are a destructive species inhabiting this planet. We are destroying it, slowly, but surely. It bothers me. I do not know what to do about it. I feel powerless. What can I do?

Trees are being torn down in the Amazon at a rate faster than those trees can ever be replaced. There are tropical, healing fruits and plants that reside in this beautiful jungle that I see one day will just be gone. The Lorax has such a sweet, innocent way of telling us how it is. But this is not an animation. This is real. And the Indians in the forests are falling into extinction. I believe the proper word for this is genocide. I wish I could protect them. But even my pathetic $5 donations to organizations that work to defend the forest and it's native people can't save them because of the evil, powerful destructive force that persistently kills diversity and culture in disagreeance with western civilization.

The Navy will be performing tests in the oceans with powerful weapons that will destroy thousands of ocean creatures. The good guys are taking them to court, but why does anyone need to hear a case like that? Shouldn't everyone care enough about our planet that safety precautions would automatically be taken so that the ocean doesn't get disrupted negatively? Why must the government need to hear a case and consider what the right thing is to do? Who has the control in this situation and why do they have such little respect for life?

Why must millions of orphans grow up without families? Why are millions of orphanages without education and opportunities? It is estimated that there are around 153 million orphans world wide. That is 153 million adults that will not have the skills to get through life or even know how to interact with people. How can we just ignore 153 million human lives? Women are forced to relinquish their kids because of living in poverty. This is wrong. No one should have to abandon their children because of financial reasons. How can human life be thrown away because of money?

If we want to be good people and have good things happen and to be happy, why are the bad people prevailing? Why are we not a united people? What is wrong with the human race? Why are we not taking care of each other? How did we get to be such a cruel species? And we actually believe we are above animals? 

I am confused. I am not okay with all this and I just don't know what to do about it. The world is an overwhelming place for me and I am unsure how to thrive in it. I can only believe in so much psychology because they want to label and categorize all human emotions and behaviors. Many of them would say that I am depressed, but to that I will say, "Screw you." How is my empathy categorized as depression? How do my feelings for hurt humans and suffering creatures become a mental condition? If we all just smile and see the world so positively, then that is what makes me a happy, healthy person? I am supposed to ignore the problems of the world so that I can fit in and not offend people? 

If caring about these things means I can't fit in, then I don't want to fit in with my kind. I would rather be alone. I would rather just not be a burden to anyone or a menace to society. I don't understand people. I can't relate to most, and maybe that's a good thing. But I am becoming more and more discouraged to meet new people because most of them don't care about world problems. I'm bored of people's conversations. I am tired of entertainment serving as a distraction from the world. I hate being bombarded with ads everywhere you go on the billboard, on commercials, on the internet, when you check your mail and random phone calls/voicemails. I have a problem with $. I am not motivated to make it anymore. I just don't care about the world's made up success anymore. 

Have I trampled your thoughts enough? Have I burdened your load more? Do I sound like the most pessimistic person yet? Well, I don't care and I can't apologize for being tormented. My feelings are real. I have never been able to ignore the bad things because it eats away at my conscious when I do. My problem is not knowing how I can make a difference. I want to help, but I haven't figured out how to live my life for a purpose. That doesn't mean I don't do service projects (I just don't talk about my good deeds because I don't want to corrupt my sense of good to mankind). I don't believe in self-righteous bragging. I just don't know how to live a life that is 100% meaningful. 

And boy, did it feel good to type all this out. A lot on my mind is an understatement. I'm dwelling and I need to release these thoughts. I need to make sense of them. I need to figure out how my life can be dedicated to saving the world one little problem at a time. Becauses things aren't okay and they never will be until poverty and evil die. The world is at war and I can't just hide from it anymore. 

Yes, I can find joy. Yes, I can smile and laugh. I have good things in my life, but I want to fight for the others who don't. That is the burden I carry and cannot easily share with others.

School vs Work

It is no secret how student debt is in the trillions now. Yikes! We all cringe when we hear that, and yet, everyone is still racking up debt thinking that school will pay off in the end. Hm. I am not so sure this is the case. I know too many college grads on a personal level that are working at jobs that don't pay them enough to pay back their loans in a decent amount of time. One of my friends worked for free for two years before landing an attorney position. Luckily for her, she could live at home with full support from her parents and had full scholarships for school. But what about everyone else in her position? Could they afford to work for free and did they even receive full scholarships? Most students would say no.

Another one of my friends racked up $150,000 of debt after graduating from a private university to a slump salary of $50,000. Again, yikes! Needless to say, there was definitely a much smarter way of going about her schooling to not have racked up that much debt, but the point is -- how ridiculous is this?! School tuition just keeps rising while salaries are not. 

This is why I have decided that taking one class at a time is going to be much more realistic and beneficial for me. While college degrees no longer guarantee success, I am not going to invest 100% of my time and rack up ridiculous debt for a chance at success. I will, give part of my time though to a chance at success. In the mean time, I have a good job at In-N-Out that many people turn their noses down at. But you know what? I'm getting too tired to care about people's discriminations against job types. I know what I have, and it has potential for me to move up even if I don't necessarily love the job. It's a great job that has room for advancement. Managers are compensated well, and also have the opportunity for other jobs in the corporate office in Irvine. There are other miscellaneous jobs that come with management experience that are options as well if relocating to Irvine is not an option.

I'm going to keep moving up at In-N-Out. Even though some days are shitty, I also have some really oppositely fun days. The job is stressful work indeed as the physical demands are high and the pace at work is consistently speedy. Everything is about prioritizing your time, and one bad decision is the difference between staying ahead or being behind. I admire the higher levels at work and some of my managers because their experience at In-N-Out is fun to watch and their timing skills are impressive. Their tolerance levels for bullshit are abnormally high. 

So I've been giving this some thought and discussed this with Ron the other day. I thought it would be a great idea to slowly work on my degree via one class at a time so it'll get finished one day. More importantly, so that I don't rack up debt. I know it isn't worth it. By the time Ron is ready to retire, I should be done with my degree, and perhaps, I'll move into the corporate office and step away from the stores. That would mean relocating to Irvine, but it's a very realistic option. It's nice to have options. 

A few things that inspired me today to write this out:

http://www.askmen.com/money/career_400/493_jobs-without-college.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders

Tofu is Bad

If you're wondering where to get organic, non GMO, gluten-free tofu, here is the website:

Organic Tofu <-- click it

They sell this at Costco, and that is where I purchase it.

Not all tofu is equal, and there is nothing wrong with eating it if you eat the right kind.

Check it out. Look at the ingredients for yourself.

I do the same with soy milk. Always, always organic. That's the best way to eat anything!

I am really seeing how people like to tear you down when you eat really strictly. They will pick apart any little part of your diet just to make themselves feel better for the crap they eat. Just know that ahead of time, and don't let them get all "pesticide on your veggies" on you. If they do, just let them say it. At the end of the day, your veggies, fruits and horrible soy are keeping you leaner than 90% of everyone elses diets anyway. Yes, I went there. This is a safe place for me to vent about others who are constantly poking at my diet in some way or another while I sit there in silence and just nod my head to keep the peace.

One lady even went as far as telling me, "Ron needs to not eat so much soy. It will give him man boobs."

Not strangely enough, thirteen years later, Ron does not have man boobs and is in much better shape and looks younger than most people his age. What study was this? And for how long was this study conducted? And what kind of soy was being consumed? Yeah, they NEVER know the answers to those questions.

Fucking people.

Oh well!

Let 'em poke fun and continue on with your delicious tofu cookings. I've dropped a solid 10 lbs and I am feeling much happier now than I was when I was eating crap that I enjoyed in my mouth for a whole twenty minutes with all the terrible after effects of an overly full tummy, being bloated, not able to lose weight, feeling sluggish, not sleeping well.

Now? My body is tired when it should be. I sleep uninterrupted. My body is transforming. I enjoy what I'm eating more now because the after effects are all positive. I'm not bloated. I don't feel grossly full. I'm not up at night trying to sleep. My stomach feels cleaner because I'm pooping twice a day, nice big ones! My size is slowly but surely going down.

It's taken a while for me to train this way, but it is so worth it now. Now, I see that eating to enjoy food really wasn't an enjoyment at all. It's eating to enjoy how I feel afterwards that is really the enjoyment for me now. It's the after effects that are pleasing. So, again, I emphasize that when people are determined to give you a piece of their diet knowledge, just know first hand the benefits of what you are doing feel 1,345,678,234,035,434 times better than whatever the hell they're doing. I know this because I crossed the fence. I was on the other side at one time, and the grass really is greener on this side.

Ha, yes, ironically GREENER!

Dairy Relapse

Whoops. I wasn't exactly dairy free the last few weeks. Ron and I went out to Happy Hour in Hillcrest and ate fried mac and cheese balls. Then at work, I put some creamer in the coffee on the days that I did not bring my own pre-mixed coffee blend. I am also starting to wonder about eggs and if there is a problem with eating eggs, knowing they are not fertilized. 

However, as I sit here and think about it some more, the way I am trying to eat is about not promoting farmed animals. So if I do buy the eggs, then I am still supporting the farm that slaughters animals for food. The point of plant-based eating is to be independent of animals. But I wonder, if I have my own chickens to lay eggs, is that wrong? Then I really know it's truly organic and harm free. I do not even need a rooster so that I know for sure the eggs are unfertilized. Hm. Food for thought...

I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing for myself and what is best for the planet and all creatures inhabiting it. I'm not sure that I even want my own chickens because I have been told they poop everywhere. I don't want my nice patio being chicken pooped on everywhere, and then I'll have to feed them and coop them up. But if they are being cooped up, they aren't cage free then are they? Goes back to the whole farming thing...

You know, it just becomes less conflictual for me if I simply don't eat animal products. I don't have to worry about the suffering behind it if I just stay organic and plant-based. However, I am not perfect by any means. I still mess up sometimes by not having the alternate dairy option readily available for where I am in that particular moment. I don't always make the right choice to abstain from an appetizer that someone else bought. I'm still learning how to be completely independent of animals. This is a journey. However, I am proud to say I got the meat part down. It's easy to deny that now. 

Sounds like I'll actually need a purse now for my snacks while on the road. I dislike purses, but if it means the difference between choosing poorly out of convenience than to choose clean eating, I guess I will just have to find a way to embrace it. 

I've Had It

My relationship with my parents are not good. They haven't been since the day I turned 12. That's when I started growing apart from my 'family' and not growing with them. I learned not to trust them with my feelings because they said I had no right to feel the way I was feeling. So instead of sharing my feelings, I hid them. It explains all the anger, fear and bitterness I had dwelling inside me. There was no healthy way to release them, so I got in trouble instead. Not necessarily on purpose. I was just hanging with the wrong crowd because they didn't judge me. They didn't have expectations of me that I had to measure up to. I was allowed to be angry and sad with them because they were angry and sad too for their own reasons. We were all teenagers, clueless about life with no real support in the home. This is why teenagers do drugs. Studies show this time and time again. At this point in my life though, I didn't know I was just another statistic. I only knew that I felt horrible and depressed. 

But now I'm 27 years old. I have had adequate time to process my emotions and deal with them in a positive way. It's brought me to a place now where I can actually see the past as one big puzzle. All the pieces fit together and the picture is a sad one. It is a scar in me that will never be forgotten. How could I forget such a long period of my life? Fortunately, this picture is only the beginning of my life. It isn't the end of it, so I have the wonderful opportunity to take control from here on out and do what is best for me and Ron. 

I have made the brave decision today to be done with my parents. I tried to have a civil conversation with my 'father' today about my feelings because he asked. I did not call him seeking to speak. He called me and wanted to know why I have been so distant. I began to talk with him, and he became angrily defensive. He still has not reached a place in his life where he can take accountability for what he has done or does do. But I was already ten steps ahead of him. I expected this behavior from him. Since he rambles on about his feelings, I had to interrupt and end the conversation abruptly. It wasn't the most polite way of ending a conversation, but, however, I did not simply just end the conversation. I ended a toxic relationship. I am officially done with him, and for now, done with my 'mother' as well. I quote the words "dad" and "mom" because I see them as caregivers, not parents. 

I could write an essay about why I see them this way, but I don't have the energy to. The hurt was too deep for so many years that I have not healed completely. Speaking with them has been aggravating a wound that's been trying to heal. I realize now that I just need to not be speaking with them until it has had time to heal properly. I'm not strong enough to carry on with these imaginary relationships that I've been having with them. I finally addressed the elephant in the room that no one wanted to discuss, and it did not end well. But I was ready for it. I was afraid to face it for all this time, but I built up the courage to finally do it. Looking back, I didn't have a support group of people around me, but this time around, I have my husband, Ron. He is my support group. I can't be around poisonous people that make me feel bad. I just can't.

It's time to build myself up, gain self-esteem, feel positive about life and see the glass as half full. I'm done being hurt. I have my own life here and an amazing husband that loves me for who I really am. I did not have the privilege of growing up in a home where I felt accepted for my personality and my differences. Rather, scolded for thinking differently. So, it makes sense, that I would be done with my caregivers. It brings me back to the awful past. A past that I understand now, and truly want to move on from. I really was orphaned the day I was adopted. I understand. But it's okay. I've been my own parent all these years, and now I have a great partner I get to wake up to and go to bed with every night. I am loved deeply by another human being. I get to have true love in my life, so I am happy about that. It is a wonderful feeling to feel loved.

This world we live in makes no sense sometimes. I'm just here, living in the moment. Trying to be healthy.

Furthermore

The only thing I hate about being labeled a vegan is that people immediately assume that I believe eating meat is 100% wrong. In other words, that I find no toleration for it whatsoever. But that isn't the case for me. I am 100% against eating meat depending on where you live and what resources are available to you. For example, ancient Native Americans roamed the Americas actively hunting and gathering, playing by the same rules as all the other creatures in the food chain. Today, however, this is not how most of us live.

Eating meat is a life style as old as time. For whatever reason we have predators on this earth, I will never understand it. But there is a respectful way of eating meat, and there is a disrespectful way of eating it. The only group of people I am aware of who still play by the same rules as the Native Americans did are the Eskimos. They live off the land. They hunt and gather their food. They live many months in harsh winter conditions. Growing vegetables is not a reality for them. However, they respect life, which means they do not waste any part of the animal they catch. They wear it, eat it, make utensils, and can even use whale blubber as oil for lanterns. 

The Eskimos do not buy food. They are active participants in the food chain that play by the rules of nature, not by rules of greed. They are not wearing seal skin because it is fashionable. They wear it because that is how they stay warm. It keeps them alive. It is the difference between freezing to death and not. Shamefully, the country I live in not only promotes wearing fur, but they support it. People buy it and see nothing wrong with killing an animal solely for it's fur because it is fashionable. Wearing fur is one of the most expensive options out there, and it is by far not the only option to keep us warm. So why buy it other than to exercise vanity? These animals are skinned alive. If I have to explain why the vanity in that is wrong, then I really will have lost all my faith in humanity. 

Since I am not an eskimo, I do not hunt or gather my food. I use money to get everything I need. I am not playing by the the laws of nature. I am playing by the laws of man, which only recognize the rights of human beings, not animals. Since I have a responsibility to care for the Earth, I should be mindful how I consume all things. Becoming vegan is really about going green. It's about being pro-earth in every sense. I respect the earth, and I respect all life in it. I do not eat meat because the way my money is used to get meat is disrespectful to the creature. To name a few things off the top of my head, cows are more often than not injected with hormones to grow faster than normal, overfed to get fat, and killed too soon in its life, which means, most steaks are a form of veal since they are killed from one week old to 16 months. Do I even need to mention how this is an act of greed? 

I have the resources available to me to be a responsible and respectful inhabitant of our planet. In a sense, I can live like the Eskimo when my money is used respectfully. I believe we are defined by the intention of our decisions. Knowing what I know now, my intentions would not be corrupted if I buy meat fully aware of the consequences my decisions have an impact on. Intentions are what make us who we are. Furthermore, I have been searching for ways to fight evil for most of my life, so this is a victory for me to have the opportunity to stand up for something simply by what I choose to consume. I enjoy the feeling of a personal victory against all the greed out there. There is really nothing quite like it.

Think a Vegan can't have spaghetti? WRONG!

Spaghetti is absolutely one of my favorite comfort foods that I was determined to find an equally delicious alternative for because I wasn't about to give that up! 

See that? That's a noodle better than most pastas you would buy anyway. All you gluten free people can have this too. Costco has it all.

My choice of meat alternative is the Italian Style veggie sausages. You have to play around with the meat alternatives to find the one you like best, but this one has a lot of flavor already that I can work with, so I opted for this one. I took two out of the bag and grated it in my food processor for a ground beef texture.

To spruce up my sauce, I sauteed half an onion and a few tablespoons of garlic (I love garlic) in olive oil first and seasoned with salt and pepper. Then I added my grated veggie sausages and combined a jar of marinara sauce. I also chopped up a few basil leaves from my garden and added it into the sauce.

Oh, and of course I topped it off with some dairy free grated parmesan. 

Mhmm. We don't have to miss out on a thing these days!

Thoughts Over Banana Peanutbutter Chocolate Yums

 So first, I diced a banana and slapped some organic peanut butter in the middle of it. I froze it for an hour, took it out and dipped it in melted dark chocolate. Put it back in the fridge for 20 minutes and wa la. A truly vegan delight of my three favorite sweets, peanut butter, chocolate and banana all together in one. Mmm-mmm.

As I was preparing this delightful treat, I was thinking a lot about brainwashing and how it effects people deep to the core. I've been thinking about how slavery was once accepted as a normal thing here in the States, and I have not met a person yet who would say that they believe slavery was okay. Reading a few articles from a vegan perspective, I really had to challenge my thinking on this concept of enslaving animals for our use. 

Some say, "Animals were put here for us to use." In other words, to abuse for our use because it isn't natural to enslave other creatures. Even predators don't do that. I never heard of a Tiger trapping a group of Buffalo into a specific part of the forest, building fences around them to keep them from roaming free and eating from the land, only being fed by what is brought to them from the Tiger. Huh?! No! So what we are doing here isn't natural, even from a predator standpoint. 

Since the idea of enslaving humans was solely based off the color of their skin was once considered normal and we moved on from that, I believe we will some day get past the idea of the enslavement of animals too. Yes, they are different from us, but so are different races of people. Some people have blonde hair, some have brown. Does that give me the right to abuse you because you are different from me? If the answer is no, then why is there a boundary drawn for any living creature? Enslaving the living is not an act of respect nor kindness. It is an act of control, an abuse of our power. It robs us from compassion and kindness. 

Some say, "Well, we're at the top of the food chain." A friend of mine brought up a great comeback for that. "You go to a grocery store, therefore, you are physically removed from the food chain." Plus, if this is the attitude you want to maintain, then how do you expect us to thrive on this planet acting as if there are no consequences to how we change the natural order of things on earth? 

As stated by the vegan society:

It’s better for the environment.

"Switching to a plant-based diet is an effective way for an individual to reduce their eco-footprint. Vegan diets can produce fewer greenhouse gas emissions than meat-based diets. A University of Chicago study found that the ‘typical’ US diet generates the equivalent of nearly 1.5 tonnes more carbon dioxide per person per year than a vegan diet. The livestock industry is responsible for 18% of global greenhouse gas emissions, more than the entire transport sector (which produces 13.5%), including aviation.

Plant-based diets only require around one third of the land and water needed to produce a typical Western diet. Farmed animals consume much more protein, water and calories than they produce, so far greater quantities of crops and water are needed to produce animal ‘products’ to feed humans than are needed to feed people direct on a plant-based diet. With water and land becoming scarcer globally, world hunger increasing and the planet’s population rising, it is much more sustainable to eat plant foods direct than use up precious resources feeding farmed animals.

Farming animals and growing their feed also contributes to other environmental problems such as deforestation, water pollution and land degradation."

We have the power to act on kindness, compassion and love. We don't have to do what we're doing. There are other ways to live and ensure the survival of not just ourselves, but those who are to live after us. We do have a responsibility to keep the earth clean and free of harm because we live here. Earth is our home. I promise to do my best to be a respectable tenant on this earth, and I will share with you everything I learn on the way to natural living as much as possible. 

Veganism

OKAY people. I've officially gone mad crazy vegan. I've cut all the shit out of my food. Yes, I said shit. That's really how I feel about all that dairy and meat junk. I've officially past the test of temptation now, three times over and over. I've had chicken wings, shrimp lo-mein, ham, cheese brought to the house by friends for gatherings and I've opted for boring, plain salads at restaurants that do not consider meat and dairy alternatives whatsoever. Yes, I've actually passed these temptations like it was nothin'. And I couldn't be happier.

For those of you who are considering going vegan, I'd like to share with you my personal journey to get here. It wasn't a radical change over night. It took me five solid years to get to where I am now. It started with detoxing my system, completely flushing out the junk. Then I went vegetarian on and off for the last five years. After learning to cut out meat fairly easily, I realized that it just made more sense to be vegan because I'm still supporting animal cruelty/ or animals being "harvested" for our use. Much, much research and watching various documentaries has brought me to a place where I cannot feel good about eating meat or dairy anymore. I cannot support it anymore. Again, five years of researching health and nutrition has brought me here. I used to make excuses for eating cheese and using milk for baking until I just forced myself to really take a look at the research available out there and understand what is going on with our food. And so, what it comes down to is feeling bad about it. I honestly just feel bad about consuming those things now, so it is no longer a temptation. I can easily sit down at a restaurant and not care about not eating what everyone else is eating.

I've changed the way I look at food. Meat and dairy no longer look like food to me, so you cannot miss or want something that doesn't look like food to you. I don't live to eat anymore. I eat to live. There's a difference. There's a fantastic documentary called, "Forks Over Knives." Very eye opening information here that gives you 1,000's of reasons to go vegan that have absolutely nothing to do with the suffering of animals, so if you are having a hard time finding compassion for farm animals, well, this documentary was meant for you then. This is all about health and the benefits of a plant-based diet versus a meat and dairy one.

This woman is an inspiration to me: click on the link below

70 yr old looks 30 - raw diet

She radiates with optimum health. I find it funny that there are many people that will knock down this way of eating, but they themselves cannot even begin to claim that kind of health status. I think she's onto something here and I'm definitely going to work towards this. This would be the ultimate accomplishment for me.

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food” - Hippocrates. This quote really resonates with me and constantly flashes in my mind when I'm in situations where people project how delicious their food is as if it is to somehow change my mind. I just keep my eye on the prize. Optimum health. A life-time of energy. A beautiful, healthy glow. Ultimate compassion. This is what I want, and if it means people bashing me for it, well, I'm not the first or the last person that will be bashed for thinking differently. History tells that story over and over, time and time again. 


Also, I have found that going vegan doesn't sacrifice flavor at all. There are SO MANY options out there for vegans it's not even funny!!! Mmm-mm-mmm.... deliciousness is everywhere. You just have to be creative. Frankly, the making of delicious health just excites me. Restaurants aren't even that fun anymore because there's so many fun recipes online for veggies and fruits that ya just will never see in a restaurant. 

I am excited to start blogging on vegan eating. We need more of us out there doing it to show that it's not impossible to eat like this. It gets easier.... I promise. You'll just have to take care of your appetite before you go out with friends and bring your own food to gatherings. So you'll be forced to cook and create in your kitchen. Fun, fun, fun!

2013 Holidays

I haven't written in a few months because I have been experiencing some mental and emotional blocks. Every time I would sit down to type, my mind would scramble and I could not concentrate. I did not know how to share what I was thinking or feeling. I did not know if I should even share what was on my mind, so I didn't. I just walked away from the computer. Then I would return and shut it off. The kind of thoughts and feelings I have had over the last few months are only to be discussed with people I trust, not shared on a site for just anyone to read.

Before I stroll along in the documentation of 2014 experiences, I want to write about the holidays of 2013! Unfortunately, I am having syncing problems with my phone to this mac so I can't upload the photos here. At least, not yet. Haven't figured out how to do that.

I was in Utah for Halloween visiting family. I went to a Haunted Forest with Ron, and my friend Broady with her husband. I was SCARED and screamed a lot. Everyone else found it entertaining and laughed at me the whole time except for me of course. I also hiked the beautiful American Fork Canyon with Ron for our four year anniversary. I also hiked another Canyon in Provo with Jessica. That was a crazy climb... next time, I'll be sure we have ROCK CLIMBING GEAR. I thought I was going to fall off the cliff and that would be the end of me.

Thanksgiving was at our Home! This was the first Thanksgiving in our new home and it was lovely. We served it potluck style, so everyone brought something so that it wasn't stressful or too much work for one person. We set up the garage with a table in it to put the food on, as well as some chairs so we could watch TV in there while other people watched football in the living room. I got to know Floyd and Bobby better (my brother-in-laws). I drank a delicious holiday cocktail freshly made by Chandra (sister-in-law). :) She and Lyle stayed in the guest room. Floyd and Chrystal stayed in the den. My favorite part of that weekend was when we all played JUST DANCE in the living room! Unforgettable.

Christmas was easy-going and laid back. Ron and I spent the day watching Christmas movies. Finally, we cooked a vegan dinner and had Pop over for it. I was disappointed with the white asparagus. It didn't roast well. It was still crunchy and stringy. Meh. I tried. Everything else was great. It was really nice to spend time with the family the last few months.

I got to watch Floyd open up for the Misfits! That was awesome! He was the best band there, and I'm not saying that just to say it. I wasn't very impressed with the Misfits and I didn't care too much for the bands after Floyd. I love to watch life performances. That is how you can really appreciate someone's music. It's more personal and it brings it to life. I can't always appreciate music on an iPod. There are some bands that I simply won't listen to on an iPod because they just can't be fully appreciated. For example, CocoRosie and concert pianists are two musicians that I need to see live, not listen to on my iPod. I CAN but just prefer not to. ;)

That was my last few months. Of course, with the inner struggle happening simultaneously, but I am just not sure how to express that quite yet.

Happy New Year! 2014 comes with some exciting new adventures for me!