The Return to Facebook

*Star Wars Theme Begins*

Ah, yes. I did return... kind of. I decided to share my husband's account, rather than having my own. I prefer it this way, that way I don't have to deal with drama!

I already discussed in a previous post why I got rid of Facebook, so I do not want to rehash that in this post. I started logging into his account to get the scoop on our mutual friends and family. However, everyone thinks he is responding, and I know he doesn't like people thinking it's him when it's me. So we agreed that sharing is convenient for us and everyone else. :) I think Facebook will be much better this time around. Sharing an account as a married couple is a really good thing for us! I am happy about this decision, and so is Ron, since people are no longer being fooled about his presence on there.

However, if people my age had the common courtesy to respect other's privacy, I would not have had to get rid of my Facebook in the first place. Because Ron is much older than me, his generation of friends did not grow up with the internet integrated into their every day lives. As a result, quite a few of his friends share accounts with their significant others, and they only post pictures and updates about themselves. They do not post pictures of their friends without their permission first, and they do not tag their friends names when they are hanging out with them because it is understood by all of them that it is an invasion of privacy. I think Ron's friends need to hold a Facebook Etiquette Seminar to all the adults my age and the upcoming children rising with social sites. Technology is moving so fast that we cannot socially adapt to it as fast. We need help, and we need it now. Social sites require responsible users!

These same people tend to also be the people who abuse their smart phones. Smart phone abusers disrespect the friends and family they are with while in their presence. For example, I have been out to dinner with a friend whose eyes were glued to the phone every couple of minutes through out the entire dinner because she was checking her Facebook comments and responding to them. It was not only annoying, but it felt like a complete waste of my time to be out with someone who basically treated me like a prop on the wall. I have a new table manner in order.

New Table Manner Effective Immediately: 

1. Do not text, call, or look at your phone while you are out at a nice dinner with someone. It is just as rude as eating with your mouth open and burping in someone's face. All these behaviors are distracting.

However, it is understandable that you may be waiting for a call or text from a child, spouse or you may also be waiting for an important email from your boss. I get that, but please establish that with your company so that they do not feel neglected or ignored. Let's make this a common courtesy please.

Thank you!

Nothin' But Smiles

Today I have no words. May the random photos from google tell you my mood today.

Why I'm Not a Christian Anymore

Today, I was asked why I went from being Christian to not believing in God anymore. This is the last time I will discuss my reasons for leaving the faith, since I touch on this issue on a few other posts. I also realized that I do not have an official explanation as to what exactly happened to my faith. In a way, this is closure for me to write about this as it is feels like a final step in letting go. Let me say, it surely did not happen over night. There are three fundamental beliefs in Christianity that I realized over the last year or so that I do not believe.

First of all, the most important belief in Christianity is that Jesus is our Savior, as in he died for our sins and was somehow resurrected. I never understood the concept of someone dying for the sins of all mankind. I cannot wrap my brain around this. It does not make sense to me that someone sacrifices his life for us because we cannot return to where we came from if that was not accomplished. My immediate thought that breaks off from this is that Adam and Eve were set up in a garden to fail. The forbidden fruit tree was nothing but a trap when you really think about it. If the plan all along was for them to eat the forbidden fruit so that we could know right from wrong, how exactly does two people get punished for doing something that was part of a plan?

Secondly, if you believe in Jesus, then you also believe he was born of a virgin. There is no way to comment on that without sounding arrogant, rude or prejudiced so I will just leave that statement alone for pondering. Additionally, this made me wonder why I never questioned it. After taking much time to reflect on this, I realized that I had been regurgitating what I learned in church. I was taught from a young age the 13 articles of faith and had them all memorized at one point. I was like an 18 year old college student memorizing information for an exam. Once I realized I was spitting out things I did not even understand, I had to take some time to myself and think about what my beliefs really were. Then I came to the conclusion that I didn't believe this after all.

Lastly, I have issues with the "word of God" which changes from the Old to New Testament. For example, the concept of a loving, almighty God allowing men to have multiple wives was acceptable, but then later on it was to only be one man and one woman in the New Testament. There is also the implication that marriage is between a man and a woman, so same sex couples are sinners. I have never been able to truly agree that gay folk are sinners. "Clean the speck out of your own eye before you clean the speck out of someone else's." No one has clean eyes, so it does not seem right to meddle in other people's preferences. My understanding of a loving God would consider the feelings of everyone involved, not simply the desires of men (plural marriages) or what the gender has to offer in a relationship (i.e. the ability to bare children doesn't exist for the gays). There are also quite a few stories in there that are a little too much for the brain. To name a few, Noah somehow captured two animals of every kind on a boat without using sedatives or killing them to cooperate. Jonah lived in a whale's stomach for three days, somehow surpassing that massive creature's digestive system. I cannot take these words literally, and I cannot preach to someone else about the bible when I do not believe everything myself.

If I am unsure that Jesus is a Savior, reject the claim he was born of a virgin, and do not believe the words literally of the Bible, then I obviously cannot be labeled a Christian. However, I do enjoy the moral of the stories that the Bible teaches. I believe a man named Jesus existed because there are books outside of the Bible that mention him. However, I also believe that Mary had sex with Joseph in order to conceive him. Do I believe Jesus is a Savior? That is where I simply cannot say I know that because I prayed and got a good feeling about it. If we made every decision based off our feelings, we would make many terrible mistakes. Imagine if you made me angry and my gut told me to punch you? Yikes. It isn't safe to go through life making choices based off your feelings. I think that leads to a delusional perspective of your life and the world you live in. In addition, I am willing to at least say that I believe there is a creator. I believe in spirits because of my experiences with intuition, which some may call a revelation. I am not atheist or agnostic since I do believe in a creator and I do believe in spirits. I only reject the Biblical explanation of God. That doesn't mean I reject the idea of a creator or the idea of spirituality. I simply cannot be labeled a Christian. So, the answer to the question I was asked today is that it was a spiritual journey on my quest to the truth. I am spiritual, non-religious, which is not that crazy of a jump from Christianity if you are able to consider my perspective on it.

The Past, Present, and Future

Strange how people from your past can suddenly make a difference in the presence. Sometimes, when you think about someone from a long time ago, it may not be such a random thought. I thought about a girl I met once as a teenager, got in contact with her, and it ended up serving me a purpose. It brought the meaning of adoption back into my thoughts and gave me a much healthier look at it. It has also allowed me to have a positive interaction with another Mormon. My defense walls weren't up. In fact, they came down and I was able to talk about things I don't normally discuss. There was a familiar comfort I felt with this gal and I am glad I did open to her. Again, strange how a person from the past can suddenly pop into your mind and actually help you in some way. Lesson here? Maybe you need to act on a past memory. There could be a reason for it.

On a spiritual note, I am interested in learning more about Buddhism. I like the teachings and the peace meditation brings. Ron thinks I am weird for this, but he understands too. My spiritual journey isn't to be reckoned with. Ultimately, I need my own fulfillment of the most peace and joy I can find. I am truly a lucky woman to have a supporting husband in this part of my life. I know some Christian men who would divorce their wives over something like this. Instead, he is allowing me to find what works for me and I cannot ask for more than that. Accepting each other is what love is. It isn't about me doing what he wants or him doing what I want. Ultimately, when someone strays from religion, the family or the spouse tends to take it personally, when it really has nothing to do with them at all. Fortunately, Ron is mature enough to understand that now.

I am currently reading this book. I highly recommend it.

Along the lines of spirituality, yesterday, we learned about the Big Bang Theory in astronomy. Finally, I know what all the fuss is about... absolutely nothing. Now I see that if people's feathers are getting ruffled over a theory that explains how the universe was created, nothing more or less than that, they are greatly misinformed. It does not prove that there is no deity. It does not prove any religion wrong. It does not claim to know what was before the universe or what is after. It only tells a logical explanation of how the universe began based off the evidence we see from other galaxies, planets, and stars forming. There is no reason why a religious person should reject this theory as a threat to their beliefs. There is no reason to fuse the two together. You can believe in God and the Big Bang Theory simultaneously if you want. Your God will probably be impressed that we have paid such close attention to the details. 

Today's battle: Not trying to eat the entire box of pizza. 

...Off I go to finish it anyway...

Racial Profiling

Even in San Diego, I cannot escape the implicit expectation that I should act or talk like a hispanic. I remember Hershey, PA like it was yesterday. I attended a nearly pure caucasian high school. I thought those days were over when people were telling me how white washed I am. Nope. 

Here I am in a multicultural city with more people stating the same thing. The way I learned to speak is influenced by my environment. I grew up in an educated town with a white family. Not... my... fault. This is how I speak and I am proud to speak proper English. It annoyed me yesterday when this girl told me, "You sound too white." Well, you sound too ghetto. 

First of all, I resent this idea that people speak too white. That implies that anyone with brown skin who speaks properly is automatically tainted by light skin color. "Speaking too white" is stated as if it is an undesirable trait. How long ago was the civil war? I thought we were past this. Apparently, we now implicitly stereotype people's behavior and their speech by their ethnicity. Hundreds of years later with equal rights, women's rights, and blended culture being an active part of our lives now, there still remains an expectation that we should all be influenced by our ancestral roots. 

I realize people are going to think what they want and say stupid things all the time. I cannot change that. "You can only change yourself," says a famous philosopher I do not know. However, the problem here is not that I am unaware of myself. The problem is that people expect me to be different, and sometimes want me to be different. Perhaps, I should be used to this considering my family dynamic growing up. They always wanted me to be something I wasn't, and it isn't any different these days with some people. I don't feel at this point in my life that it is worth fighting ignorance, but that doesn't mean I cannot express my frustration with these kind of comments. It is annoying, not hurtful, rather frustrating to hear. At 26 years old, it has been ten years of hearing these comments from random or not so random people so of course I am going to huff, puff, and roll my eyes. I think I am justified in venting out my frustration with ignorant people. Otherwise, it bottles up and then I blow up on the next person to say that. Blogging about it here releases that negative pent up energy and allows me to ignore it in a healthy way.

On a positive note, it is these experiences that open my mind up to the way people develop. If I hear a white boy sounding black, I never assume he is acting. Just outside of my hometown is the city of Harrisburg, the capital of Pennsylvania where just about half the people you see are black. The white girls that attend the schools with many blacks speak and dress differently from the white girls I went to school with in a small town. I have never once told a white girl that she sounds too black. If her friends are black and her community is black, that doesn't mean she is sounding like a black girl. It means that we are all influenced by the subculture in our environments. What we are exposed to is what we likely become. Education does not mean white, and ghetto does not mean black. Therefore, sounding like a white or black girl are stereotypes. They are unfair claims to the person we are categorizing. The perception that ghetto, hip hop, and ebonics are reserved for blacks, brown colored people probably speak Spanish, and white people are educated and proper are outdated. Turn off the TV and read something informative. 

I am a Brazilian girl who moved here when I was three years old and grew up in a disgustingly wealthy caucasian, small town. Of course, I am going to speak proper English. If you went to school in the United States from kindergarten to twelfth grade like me, you should speak well too. It doesn't matter if you are black, indian, white, asian or hispanic. If I sound too white because I speak and write well, I am not going to apologize for paying attention in class and reading books. Speaking and writing well are valuable skills. I am proud to have them, not sorry for it one bit. 

Thanksgiving

We did the unthinkable and celebrated a Turkeyless Thanksgiving. After all, my husband is vegetarian and so is Stevie. No worries though. We made up for it by having mashed potatoes, gravy, potato casserole, green bean casserole, butternut squash ravioli (which never made it to the table), and pumpkin pie. We made it all from scratch. That's good enough for me!

We spent about fifteen minutes setting the table and taking photos. I was amazed at the patience we all had to wait before devouring the food. It seemed like it was a meal we did not want to rush. We savored every moment of baking, mixing, stirring, setting the table, lighting the candles. 

The pumpkin pie was home made and delicious. However, I still cannot take credit for its deliciousness since it was not my recipe. I feel more honest saying, "I follow directions well." I am glad it turned out.

It was a pleasure to have Stevie and Prince Ali spend Thanksgiving Day with us. We have many years of friendship to be proud of and thankful for. Stevie and I have known each other since we were five or six years old. It is amazing to me that we have been friends all these years, especially after all our ups, downs, bad decisions, and selfish moments. However, we have shared too many laughs, and too many sentimental moments to let our dark phases murder our bond. Indeed, it has strengthened it. 

Then we all walked it off at La Jolla Beach. :) It was a beautiful day spent with my husband, and long life friend. This is a day I will always be thankful for.

Dear Ron

This year, I want the world to know that I am thankful for you. You have been an amazing example of unconditional love. I know I was not the best wife this year, but you still continued to love me. You forgave me for things that make me realize just how special you are. Your heart is filled with compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and love. You are the happiest person I know, and it rubs off on me. I thank you for that, and I am so grateful for your positive attitude in everything you do. 

Because you are a glass half full kinda guy, you have helped me fill my empty glass with the Eeyore rain clouds hovering above me. I am less resentful, less negative, and less angry about things because of the love that you have showered me with. You help me gravitate to the light, away from my instinctually dark ways. 

You have always bestowed upmost respect for me. I feel so lucky because you never give me any reason to feel insecure in our relationship by always making me feel special. The way you look at me makes me feel like the most beautiful person to you. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. I have never believed that I was the most beautiful person to anyone. I know that you love me. I feel it, and I know it. I love you back. 

We got through a rough patch this year. I have never felt more confident in a relationship than I do now. You have seen me at my worst this year, and you fulfilled an important vow, "for better or worse..." You really meant it, and I witnessed it this year. I know this won't be the last challenge we ever face, but you and I both know how hard this year was for us, and if we made it through that, I think we have the tools necessary for the next hiccup to come.

I write this to you on my blog because I want my friends to know that you are the best thing that has come my way, and not in a pathetic Romeo and Juliet way. You DO make me a better person, and everyone needs to know that you are a true chivalrous Knight in Shining Armor. You rescued a damsel in distress all right, and I appreciate every little thing you do for me. 

I, here by knight thee as Best, Noble Husband

...who I shall not take for granted as my duty in return for your faithfulness. 

You are the one I always hoped for, but never thought existed. I hope you stick around forever. ;-)

Thank you for putting up with my shenanigans this year. 

<3 Your Lucy Ricardo

Spiritual Enlightenment

Who is the Creator? I don't know. I have been experiencing a spiritual roller coaster since I was aware I was living on the planet Earth. I have struggled with not understanding the concepts of Christianity, regardless of what denomination I was researching. Recently, I have let go of trying to figure it out, and have put to rest my questions on who the creator is and what my part in life brings to the world. There are many who might feel sad at the thought of not knowing the answers to these questions, and how lonely it must feel. Subsequently, I would have to agree that it is very lonely. I do feel alone right now in the sense that I do not know my purpose here, only that I am making it up as I go. I am attracted to spiritual teachings, but I fail to understand the concept of many of them. Although I do not understand my purpose here, I am trying to make a purpose for myself in this life by feeding off the energy my relationships with people bring, reading quotes of wisdom left by our ancient ancestors, and challenging myself to be a better human being.

One of the ways I find purpose in my life is by fulfilling a spiritual part in me when my relationships with people are genuine, sincere, and meaningful. When I walk away from spending time with a friend or rekindling a friendship, I just light up inside. I feel happy that there are people who enjoy me and I enjoy them. Good friendships bring more than just happiness into my life though. For instance, a girlfriend of mine has been struggling with a recent engagement break up in which her family is acting cold towards her because they do not feel she is handling it the way they think she should. Without her family's help and support in this part of her life, I have been able to talk with her, and listen to how she feels. I know she has been very grateful that she has someone she can talk to about this, since everyone else has no patience to lend an ear about the matter anymore. Through my own personal struggles with family through my own mistakes that I have made, I feel that I have been able to make a difference in her life by being a friend that isn't criticizing her choices or making her feel badly because of her struggles. Instead, I feel as if I am this cuddly bear she can sit with to comfort her. As a result, I am seeing her progress through this dark place in her life, not because of me, but because I am walking by her side through this transition into a happier place in her life. That makes me feel that I have served a purpose in her life which makes this relationship meaningful to me, and shows me what kind of person I am choosing to be. Instead of focusing on what my purpose is, my friendships help me focus on the purpose of wanting to live.

Another way I find purpose in my life is through reading stories with messages or quotes of wisdom meant to inspire or help people. The Native American values have become my primary source of information to check my behavior in accordance with theirs. Their way of thinking is important to me because it reminds me of what I should be doing. For example, an old Cherokee legend about two wolves explains an important message of the spirit each of us have. I will tell the story here.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. 

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy." It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." 

He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I don't know a human being alive who does not struggle with which wolf to feed at times. This Cherokee legend reminds me that I have to feed the good wolf to keep that spirit alive in me. The good spirit only dies if I let it. When I begin to feel the emotions of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed or any of those unpleasant emotions, I know I need to fight those feelings to get the better side of me. I also find myself listening to the message of Little Hawk over and over again to invite the spirit into my life. Here is the link, Little Hawk, where you can breathe in his insightful words too. It is an important part of my life now to read the messages and knowledge of our ancient ancestors because we live in a world now where it is far too easy to disconnect with what is real. Their words guide me to recognize the spirit, and listen to it when I am aware of its presence. 

When I listen to the presence of the spirit, I take an opportunity to become a better person. Sometimes, the right thing to do is not the easy thing to do. For example, when someone cuts me off on the highway, I feed the bad wolf by cussing up a storm in the car, honking my horn profusely, and possibly even throwing the middle finger in there. It is much more difficult to stay calm, and ignore their irresponsible driving. Immediately after I calm down, I realize that it was a waste of energy to get myself worked up in the heat of the moment. It did not serve me well. What does serve me well is when I manage to get by with rolling my eyes, a big sigh, and pushing it to the back of my mind. The only person it hurts to be angry is me, meanwhile, the stupid driver is happily driving ahead not giving me a second thought. If we take this a step further, and analyze road rage, what could happen to me if I kept feeding the bad wolf in this situation? Maybe the gun would come out next time. So this may seem like a small challenge, but small challenges can lead to bigger problems if we do not handle them well. By challenging myself to make the right choice in my daily struggles, I become a better person by practicing patience. Having patience also makes me feel alive, and brings meaning into my life because I feel in control. If I do not have control of myself, then someone else will, and I will not be able to find a purpose in living if my freedom is gone.

By practicing self-control, I become more like the people I admire. I can feel the good spirit inside. Feeling the spirit strengthens my relationship with others. In addition, being guided by the spirit the Natives talk about help me make the right choices. When I practice this way of life, good people come my way. Having that sense of community around me has been crucial to my happiness here. It is because of how I choose to live my life that the kind of people I respect cross my path. My relationships are a reflection of me, because there must be some common ground to form a bond. When I take a step back and look at my friends, I know I walk on a good and balanced path. I have a community around me in all places of this world who are all so different from each other in what they believe, but not in what they practice. They are kind to others, and care about the people in their life. It is in my friendships that I am able to see the joys life can bring to me. I cannot appreciate the glass being half full if I spend my time being angry about the half that is empty. In other words, by focusing my energy on unanswered questions I have, it influences me to focus on the evil of this world. However, if I stop being angry about what I cannot understand, I am influenced to enjoy the beauty, peace and good people of this world. 

Girlfriend

Slowly, but surely, I have started to like this girl Jenna Mourey who has become a famous YouTuber. Her videos get millions of hits. This is what she does for a living these days, uploading her thoughts on videos that make me laugh, but also leaves behind a message to think about. So I am dedicating this blog to a truly super cool, honest girl that I would buy a cocktail for and do a shot with on a weekend night if I ran into her. I would love to party with this girl!

Purple Promise

I write about myself an awful lot. Meanwhile, my husband deserves to be formally recognized in this blog I say is about "Just the Two of Us." On October 24, 2012, we took a nice mini vacation to Memphis, Tennessee to attend the The Purple Promise Award Dinner Banquet to celebrate all the employees who received the award. I am so proud of  Ron. He was one of 16 selected employees out of over 200,000 to receive the Purple Promise Award. For those of you who do not already know, Ron is a transportation driver for the heavy weight division at FedEx. There are a few FedEx divisions, and where he works is the main division. If you were to talk to someone who works at FedEx Freight, or FedEx Ground, they would have no idea what the Purple Promise Award is.

Now that we have that cleared up, the Purple Promise Award honors the selected employees at a formal dinner in Memphis, where the FedEx Airport and corporate office is. This is a difficult award to achieve as there are thousands of employees.

Here is the screening process selected employees go through before being chosen:

 Purple Promise Selecting Process

Why Ron was selected:

Click on the photos to view it larger.

Professional Photos taken at the Banquet

Ron personally receiving his award from CEO Dave Bronzcek and Mike Ducker (VP)

It was a pleasure to meet the "big wigs" of FedEx, as they were very nice people and very appreciative of the employees who represent the company. 

Ruby Wilson and a band performed, aka Queen of Beale Street in Memphis, Tennessee

She was amazing and brought some Aritha Franklin/ Tina Turner soul to the night. You bet I was dancing. She was a funny lady too. She walked up with her cane to the stage Yoda style even with a man to help her up. Once she started singing, she broke out dancing Jedi style. When it was over, she reverted back to her cane and was escorted off the stage. What is it with these Jedi's hiding their powers from us?

 And to top off the celebration? Ron, the vegetarian ate the famous ribs at Corky's with his manager Jeff to witness it. Ron said, 'If I'm gonna go down, I'm going down with style.' 

Graceland was cool. We learned a lot about Elvis, and his charitable contributions. I was very impressed to learn that he walked around Memphis like a normal person, and was known for giving his cars away to people who needed it. He would simply buy another car. The only car he held onto was the pink cadillac because it was his mom's favorite. His house was surprisingly humble in comparison to the celebrity cribs we see today.

We really enjoyed the south. It has a unique culture. The people were hospitable, and we felt the country life even though we stayed in the city. I could probably live out there, but Ron disagrees. So we will stay in southern California, but I hope to one day end up in a small town again. I really do miss the slower pace of life, and experiencing all of the four seasons. We chose San Diego, and there are many perks to being here besides just the perfect weather. We always have places to go, restaurants to try, and events to attend. I am enjoying the city life, but being from Pennsylvania, I have a country side to me. Perhaps, one day, we will find a way to fulfill both sides of me.

Chowder the cat

I think it's time I write a blog about Chowder. 

He is the best pet I have ever had. Why? Because he is sweet, docile, playful, loves people, wants attention, but also likes his space (isn't needy) and likes to follow me around. Even while eating, he wants to be part of the fun. He also takes naps with me. 

I used to be a dog person. I was a dog groomer for three years and worked at a doggy day care for one year. I not only love dogs, but I understand exactly what needs to happen to have a healthy, balanced, good dog that everyone wants. But it is WORK! They need to be potty trained, then trained and socialized so they are not rude and out of control. You have to walk them at least once a day, even then it isn't always enough. Oy... dogs are a lot of work, and with my kind of schedule these days being a full time student/working part time, I flat out do not have time for a dog. In my opinion, the best time to own a dog is when you're retired for the amount of attention they ask for. Yeesh... 

I know very few dedicated owners who give their dogs exactly what they need. I can count on one hand, sadly. I will even go as far as to tell you that some dogs who live in really nice shelters or are foster pets have better homes than some of the dogs out there with actual homes. If a dog is to be in the yard all day chained up... let's compare that to the dog in the nice shelter where he gets walked twice a day by a volunteer, has a nice room to himself or with a pal and can play with his toys. He's fed a good meal twice a day, and is checked up on by the vet. People come every day to say hi and greet him. Just because a dog has a home, does not mean he is better off. 

Now cats on the other hand... I realize they are not all lovable creatures. Some of them are quite picky about who they like, and some of them don't even like people. This is why I adopted an adult cat who was already a few years old. I got to check out his personality first and see if it would be a nice match for me. You don't necessarily know what you're getting with a kitten, even if you raise him/her yourself. Cats are definitely more unpredictable than dogs.  BUT they know how to use the litter box without your persistent training. They  just do it, and they naturally like to be clean. If you get a good, socialized cat... you have a combination of a well behaved dog that is independent. SCORE!

I use an automatic feeder for Chowder. It is set to go off three times daily for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Therefore, he never meows at me for food or wakes me up in the middle of the night. He has a large water bowl that I fill up every few days. The litter box is so easy to handle. Scoop the poop, and all of it is in one area. I can leave for a weekend trip without having to have someone come by. 

Convenient and ideal all the way around. I've had other pets in my childhood such as rabbits, guinea pigs, turtles, gerbils, hamsters, birds. You do not get the same companionship from them as you do a cat or dog. In the end? I feel that cats are a more ideal pet to have if you are a busy human being. I love seeing retired couples with dogs because I know those dogs are getting every bit of what they need in life... exercise, affection, play time, companionship, and are rarely left alone for hours in a crate during the day. Those dogs are the luckiest ever. 

So until I'm 65 years old and retired, I will be the cat lady. I can give them what they need and vise versa without the guilt of not giving enough in return. 

Any of you who know me well know this is quite a dramatic change. Ana the dog lover to the cat lady? I recently wrote a about how people surprise me all the time, yet I find myself surprising me too.

3rd Year Anniversary

To have celebrated my third year anniversary is an accomplishment as well as endearing for me. When I say it is an accomplishment, Ron and I had the newly wed struggles this year. 2012 was a crazy rollercoaster that I am hoping we never ever get back on again. Fortunately, we both remembered that communication is key and we were able to come back to that wonderful place we were once at. This time, even stronger than ever. I believe that if we come out of our struggles healthy, happy and positive, we certainly learn a lesson and become better people. I feel much closer to Ron having gone through half of this year misunderstanding each other and not communicating very well. I feel much better equipped for the future. I have already began to notice tiny changes in how we react to each other in our different moods. It is quite encouraging to see how much we have learned about one another.

Ron was so sweet this year too. He got me a wedding band. Yes, that's right. It took me three years to get a wedding band and I think it means more to me now than it ever would have if we would have done it the traditional way. Giving me this ring now was like a reminder that he really is here for me and wants this just as much as I do. Dinner at Flavor was amazing with our chipotle shrimp. Yum.  He also got me Jean Phillippe chocolate from Vegas. It is my favorite sweet endulgement and has ruined Hershey's chocolate for me forever. Let's see... I am a wine connoisseur with sophisticated taste buds and now let us add chocolate snob to the list. I have always loved food though, and working at The Circular Dining Room in Hershey is to blame for my sophisticated taste. It was drilled into me at a fairly young age I must say.

I am 26 years old and three years married. I never thought I would be the girl to get married, but I sure did. As Justin Bieber says, "Never say never" because you will probably end up eating your words, which I have done multiple times in my life already. This is why you no longer hear me ranting about why I never want kids anymore because I will jinx myself! haha. I toy back and forth with that, and know that I am no where near ready to take on the challenge of children right now. Ron and I both feel like we should be alone with each other for years to come because marriage itself is a life changing event. Having children is also life changing, and since we have just seemed to fall Nsync with our relationship, we want many years to enjoy this time we have together. It's actually been really great meeting other couples who do not have children because I really do understand how it simply isn't right for some people, and it is not a bad thing. It is also not a bad thing if you are the family type. However, my view on children was tainted for years because of the pressure I felt growing up in a church community where that was very important. Now that the pressure is gone, I feel like I actually do have the choice to make for myself and that it can be an excellent thing if I want to or maybe it isn't for me at all. One thing I do know for sure is as of now is that it is not a bridge I am ready to cross yet. But just the fact that I can see both sides as a positive thing, means I have really been breaking through the brainwashed mentality I once had.

Living this new life in freedom from brainwash is ultra exciting because my world is painted so differently now. It is a brand new world all over again for me to explore. The best part of it all, is that I have my husband by my side supporting me and encouraging me in everything I do. Even though he is Christian and I am not, we are able to live our lives together in harmony neither criticizing or judging the other. We have learned what true acceptance is of a person because we have accepted each other for our differences. Gosh, that has really made me grow and I feel a lot more mature because of this unique situation I have in being married to someone with completely opposite beliefs from mine. Perhaps, one day, we will be a shining example of how we are all capable of loving people different from ourselves. Truly, it is my dream that we will all learn to accept each other for who we are with nothing but kindness towards everyone in our hearts.

A great lesson I learned from my marriage this year is what it really means to love others. Spiritually, it feeds me well. Slowly, but surely, I am working on ridding the poison that comes to my mind when we meet with unpleasant people. It is hard, but I am learning that I am so much happier when I forget the actions of unkind and pretentious people.

Breaking the Stereotypes

Have you ever had one conversation with somebody and have been either put off by them or maybe decided you liked them right away, but later on realized they were not at all who you thought they were? First impressions tend to lead our perception of someone we just met into a misleading category we have set up in our minds to understand how that person fits into our world. However, the more I learn about people, the more I realize that first impressions are very rarely ever accurate. Revisit some of the meetings you have had with a new person for the first time. There must be at least one or two of those times in meeting someone new that you weren't having a good day. It would make sense then that there are people you may have possibly rubbed the wrong way given your first impression, or maybe you gave an overly dramatic, joyful impression of yourself. Picture these scenarios:

Character #1: An international student from Africa who wears a lot of Jesus cross necklaces and says a lot of statements like, "Praise God" or "God bless you." As far as the exterior of this man is concerned, he seems very genuine and is a likable human being. He's got a funny African accent and a fun personality people enjoy. Now, for someone who talks about Bible school and God so much, you would expect the actions to match the flamboyance of Christianity he expresses.

Character #2: A biker guy with sleeves on both arms, pierced ears, black clothing, skull shirts. At first glance, he doesn't seem approachable. Perhaps, even a little intimidating. Having been his partner in Spanish class a few times, he has been a pleasure to work with and treats people respectfully. Let me notate for a moment that he has been one of very few guys who actually looked at my hand, took notice to the bling on my left finger and immediately changed his demeanor around me.

Now, Character #1 has expressed an interest in me that crosses the boundary of respect to my marriage. Character #2 changed his attitude the minute he saw my ring. His appearance is misleading, as he seems like someone you would not want to cross. Character #1 on the other hand, should have backed off the inappropriate comments after learning of my husband. My interactions with these two characters have catapulted the shattering of my stereotypical structures of people. We really never know who people are until we see how they act. I have heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words" and that is probably a saying that most people are familiar with. However, it is not something that has had a very strong impact on me until recently.

I live in the Melting Pot of different cultures, upbringings and political views fused together in one city. I am honestly surprised by people all the time. First impressions mean very little here to me. I never ever know what I'm going to get from someone anymore. Yet, I am very happy about this because it makes it very difficult for me to pre-judge people the way I used to when I lived in more conservative places. It's helped me strengthen my beliefs about the world around me which are: A) We just do not know for sure about anything unless there is enough evidence to suggest an explanation. I resent how scientific that sounds. However, I am not suggesting that supernatural evidence which cannot be weighed, measured or  touched is not a form evidence. I am simply saying that we need to have some type of evidence whether it be through the supernatural intuitive ways or earthly, tangible ways. B) I actually understand now that it isn't what people preach or what they say their beliefs are that tell us about them. "Even the devil believes in God," it states in the Bible. I use that as symbolic poetry to demonstrate how people can believe something is true, but not necessarily follow that belief. Character #1 is a prime example of how his first impression is misleading; a Christian man should know better than to hit on a married woman.

Now that I have learned how little first impressions really mean, I have to question why we all value first impressions so much. I know there are other people out there who have been completely wrong about someone they met. It can't just be me. In fact, when I think about interviews I have had for different jobs, I wasn't accurately representing myself. Consequently, it is difficult for us to accurately represent ourselves for a job when we groom ourselves to present a certain way. When we reflect on that for a moment, it makes so much sense how drama queens, sluts, compulsive liars and sexual harassers get hired. Not only are we inaccurately representing ourselves the first time we meet someone, but we are told to do it. "First impression... can't get rid of that first impression." "It's all about the first impression." "You gotta wow them for them to hire you." "It's that first impression that sticks." We spend so much time worrying about how other people perceive us, of course we are all going to censor ourselves to fit into a situation. It is silly then to think any of us don't censor ourselves to make people believe a certain way about us. We are trained to present ourselves in a way we think others want us to be in the work force, in religion if you follow or when we meet new people. In that type of set up, there is very few wiggle room to be yourself. As a result, it is not ironic that the kind, sweet next door neighbor was the serial killer blasted on the news, or that Mrs. Penelope slept with your best friend's husband or that Catholic Priests are molesting little boys. People are going ape crazy censoring themselves to fit into a nice picture the world wants to see. I, Ana DaCosta, hereby pledge to ban the practice of glamorizing our first impressions to other people.

"Let's get REAL here people!" just suddenly became a more serious phrase.

Friendships

Over the years, friendships change. Some friends are left behind in your childhood and others stay in your life long enough to make you think till death do us part. I've kept a hand full of friends from my childhood. I am so proud of that, and happy that I grew close enough to them that we are still in each others lives today. In contrast, it is sad when I think about friendships I once had that slowly changed over the last several years. I think I've made some solid efforts to keep ties with people who were so close to me in one of the most vulnerable stages of life, adolescence. Unfortunately, my efforts to keep those ties strong do not work the same way as Newton's third law in which two objects in space exert equal gravitational force on each other. It would be amazing if the efforts I gave to friends equally returned, but I must let go of that childish dream. It's time to be a grown up and accept that people change. Friendships may not mean as much to a person as you believe it does to you. I'm not perfect for sure, but I would like to think that my friendships really did mean something to me. That is why it makes me sad when I think of people I have grown a part from.

What suddenly seemed to strike this thought out of nowhere is a recent epiphany in someone I used to work with. Our relationship began as two Christian women talking about scripture (when I was Christian) and she had this familiar presence about her that I adored. We didn't become best friends, and did not even hang out one time. She did however get me going to her Bible study a few times, but I discontinued going obviously. She never asked about it, which I thought was cool and seemed genuine not to pry. Over the last several months, she has been texting me to talk to her Aunt about Mary Kay. It has been months that she asks randomly what I am doing last minute, and I could never attend those make up parties. Finally, I texted her my weekly schedule so that her Aunt could reach me, and I would be left alone about it. Honestly, it didn't bother me much, but I figure, this must be important to her. She's been asking me to come to these events for so many months, I felt bad I couldn't make any of them. So I gave some time to her Aunt to talk about Mary Kay options even though I knew I wouldn't be joining to sell it or buy it.

One week later, I find out from a co-worker that she came into eat and specifically came to see my co-worker. I asked my co-worker in a joking manner, but also with some truth to it, "Oh she only came to see you and not me huh?" Sounds petty, I know. But when my co-workers responded, "No. She came into see me and didn't ask about you so HA." This was all friendly jabbing and all to be taken lightly. However, the fact that this girl did not even bother to ask about me, or shoot a text saying, "Hey I stopped by today and didn't see you" actually put me off a little bit. I realized at that moment that our feelings toward each other were completely not mutual. I found it strange that she was bugging me for several months about this Mary Kay product, but never once texted to see how I was doing without trying to promote the product. She asked my husband and I to donate money to their ministry, and we do so every month. We have never hung out one time outside of work, only at the bible study she invited me to that I attended a few times. Had I come into work to eat, I would have at least asked about her to see how she was doing, or shoot a text to say I had stopped by and didn't see her. It honestly made me feel some type of way that I can't quite put my finger on. Basically, there is a bit of resentment on my end towards her because I feel that she has only contacted me when she wanted something, and that our interactions with me had motives. For not knowing me or my husband very well, asking us to give to her ministry and we do... she could not even think about saying hello to me too? We weren't that close to begin with for me to have my feathers ruffled that much, but it definitely released my guilt of avoiding the Mary Kay party her Aunt promotes. We still donate money to her ministry, but I know where our relationship stands, and it isn't genuine.

This is an example of how people are not what they seem. This is one of a few experiences I had this year in meeting new people. I really understand how people are just full of surprises! I am glad I have had these kind of experiences both positive and negative with different people I have met because it has tore down my stereotypical structures that I like to categorize people in. It's a natural habit that we humans have learned. We have a conversation with someone, we interpret our first impression of that person, and then we try to categorize him or her in our minds to make sense of the world around us. But the more people I meet and interact with, the more I see how you just never know who is really genuine or insincere unless you give that person some of your time. I've been surprised a few times by people this year and I am so grateful for the experiences. It has opened my mind up to other types of people different from me.

When I reflect on these insignificant people I meet like this Mary Kay girl, I tend to deeply reflect on past friendships with other people. I get sad temporarily thinking of how we grow apart from some people, but stay close to others. I try not to dwell on the negative experiences I have with people or how they may fall short of what little expectations I have of them, but I think it's important to learn something from it all. People may disappoint me, but that doesn't mean I need to disappoint others. I still need to persevere and be kind to others. I'm still going to reach out to people, and make my efforts to keep ties with old friends. I may need to take a break from people at times so I can keep my sanity, but I really do believe if I continue to put enough good out there, good will come back. I will nurture the relationships that are growing, and step back from the ones that aren't. It's really quite simple. This doesn't need to be complicated. I give the power to myself when I walk away from relationships that aren't growing.

I am happy with the people I have in my life. They're pretty amazing and fantastic folks. I am lucky to have them. These kind of people you don't meet just anywhere. I have a great support group, so there is no reason to waste time with people that aren't really looking for your friendship. Time is the most precious thing we can give to each other, so I am giving my time to the people I love and cherish most. <3 Of course, I have room in my heart for as many genuine, humble people out there that exist! You just don't meet them every day is all. Since I have a hand full of them, I am fulfilled. :o) It is good that I feel sadness in memory of lost friendships. It means I still care about them.

Back in the Groove

Home Sweet Home!

I was gone for 7 weeks. I got straight A's in summer school! Woohoo! On my way home, I stopped and saw all my friends and family on the way down. That was awesome. I realized that I have more friends/family in California than anywhere else! I have driven all over California from Napa, Oroville, Sacramento, San Francisco Bay Area to Southern California in Chula Vista. I have a pretty good grip on the highways now and am familiar with Northern California and am getting to know the San Diego County better. I never thought I'd be a California girl. It's strange how it even happened. I had no desire or thought of living in California ever. It just so happened I relocated to Utah, wasn't very happy there and California was close by and I wanted to give it a shot. Five years later, I have been up and down all over this state even having the privilege to live in both northern and southern California. What's crazier to me is that I have experienced more of this state than some of the Native Californians! How sad! Most of us east coasters have been up and down the coast from Maine to Florida. How could you not have taken some road trips in this huge coastal state of California all your life?! Sad I say. Although what's kind of embarrassing is that Jessica has been to Disney land enough times to know her way around it without a map! When she visited here a few months ago with my dad and Jeremy, she was showing ME and Ron around Disney land, only a 2 hour drive north from San Diego. While at Disney land, I didn't enjoy standing in line and I don't care for crowds much. By mid afternoon, I was over it and ready to get out of there. I'm not into the amusement park scene these days. Maybe it has to do with getting older, not sure.

I stopped and visited my brother-in-law Lyle on the way down in Ventura. We went boogie boarding. He's a surfer and that's what I'm trying to get into now. I moved here for the weather and I should be taking advantage of the beaches more often. So he taught me how to boogie board because there are a lot of things you have to get used to in the waves before surfing. He was right. I probably would have given up if I would've tried surfing first. I felt like I was getting beat up out there but at least the wet suit keeps you warm. By the way, that was a HUGE FEAR I conquered getting out there in the ocean like that. I have ALWAYS been afraid to swim past the point of touching the sand. Lyle pushed me into some waves so I was able to enjoy a few good ones. This is definitely going to take some practice to get into the surfing world. Ron used to be into it, so now that I am doing it, we can do it together. I've been meaning to get into an active hobby that allows me to enjoy being outside. I love swimming so this is a great way to be active without forcing myself to exercise. :o) I can't wait to post pics of me in a wet suit actually catching waves!

Now that I'm back though, I have to start working again. Boooo. I was so happy up north not working. I may quit In-N-Out and just focus on school. Ron and I have talked about that as a possibility if this becomes too much for me. Then I can focus on school where I feel like I'm making something of myself. I am so lucky to have Ron because I just might need a break from the worthless work world! I'm hanging in there but I doubt my ability to do that for much longer. It was nice to take a leave of absence for 7 weeks. I had no money but I was happy! I got straight A's and I was at peace with myself. It's amazing how a job can just suck the life out of you. Ron loves his job and I can't wait to have a job that I love too and feel valued at. :o) School starts the 20th. I am so ready. In the mean time, I'm gonna do this boogie boarding thing!

Freedom at last

Each day that goes by and I stop thinking about what the answers are to the big questions in life, I feel relieved. These invisible chains of confusion and burden have finally released me. It is only us that make our lives complicated. Granted, the people with power have contributed greatly to making our lives complicated. In general, I have taken great notice to how we get so caught up in trying to figure out the truth that life passes us by...

If you are easily offended, please discontinue reading. This is your only warning. I take no responsibility for those that interpret this personally. This is my reflection.

I've learned an interesting parallel between Santa Clause and God recently. Our parents tell us this big, old man stuffs himself down our chimneys, eats the cookies we set out for him and leaves us gifts. We try to wrap our minds around this concept, can't make sense of it but believe it must be true because the rest of the world is telling us it is. Our parents even leave us fake evidence of eaten cookies and empty milk glasses. Well, telling us if we are good enough, we will receive gifts is a form of manipulation. Whether you mean to manipulate your kids for bad or good is irrelevant. Manipulation exists any time you can control someone's thought in their ignorance. Some kids who think like me ask how this Santa Clause ordeal works and when we find out the truth,we are extremely upset that everyone we knew is part of this scheme, thinking this short-lived joy somehow benefits us.

Strange how religion seems to be an adult version of the Santa Clause paradigm. The explanation of God, Ala and whoever else is believed to exist is just a complicated version of Santa to me. I will never argue with someone and say they don't know who God is or that they don't know what they're talking about, but to me, I don't think anyone really knows the truth. We like to avoid cognitive dissonance because it is harder to think about what we can't understand. We can change the dissonance by altering our perspective on a situation. There are several ways to look at one situation. You can choose to accept God because if you don't, you fear the punishment. You can accept God because you really do believe and don't question his existence. You can accept God because you feel like a respectable person by doing so. You can not accept God because it doesn't satisfy the answers to your questions. Well, it's much harder to reject the biblical teachings of God because that means you are fessing up to not understanding and you do not receive comfort in faith or have false hope.

So where do you get comfort? I never knew I would reach this place that I am at now, but the real comfort for me comes in not arguing with myself about sin, communion, worshipping the unknown, or following rules. Peace comes by not feeling conflicted with yourself by what men tell you and certainly by not fearing what scriptures instill in you. Scripture talks about those who fear God are safe. I just have to roll my eyes at that one. Why would I want to fear the creator who made me? Better yet, why would I want to return to someone I fear? That's already a psychological form of manipulation. I must fear the creator who made me. Should we fear our moms and dads? That would be unhealthy.

If the Muslims are right, I've really upset Ala. If the Catholics are right, I am going to hell for not keeping the rules. If the Mormons are right, I won't make it to the highest degree of Glory to be with my family forever. If I don't fear God, I guess he won't be very happy with me and I will be punished in some way. Goodness. I don't exactly have a beautifully painted picture of the after life. I'm probably better off not understanding any of it. How can you punish someone who just doesn't get it? Perhaps I am a "retard" in the matters of God, thereby making me a disabled soul.

Santa gives children joy through their imagination. God also represents joy as well as hope and eternal life to those who believe. If Santa starts squeezing down chimneys and a virgin gets pregnant, then I'll be the first to admit I was wrong. Until then, I am not wearing the chains of fear, burden, confusion and false hope. In the same way that baby birds do not question whether they should fly or not, I am simply stepping out and flying on my own. Gosh darn it, the view from up here is pretty darn fabulous. It's pretty freaking awesome to be flying around and seeing all the different views in absolute freedom of thought.

Giving

I'm in the library working on homework and a student next to me has never been in here before. Naturally, he ends up not having his student card which you must have to print out any documents. It only costs 10 cents a page. I had 80 cents remaining on my student card, so when he asked if he could print out his documents, I knew it would nearly wipe out my card. It really isn't a big deal to me so I didn't hesitate to say yes. He kindly loaded another dollar onto my card so I have $1.00 on it now, 20 cents more from when he borrowed it.

I was going to load the card tomorrow, so I would have enough to finish printing all my papers for the last two weeks of school. Even though it is the tiniest amount of money, I just thought it was interesting how I ended up with more by giving to someone who needed it. I didn't expect him to load the card, but it was definitely a nice gesture as he clearly appreciated the help from a stranger. These are the moments in life that I live for. He didn't have to reload my card, but he did which shows sincere gratitude on his part. By not expecting it, it made it that much more meaningful to me. With all the evil things that are happening in this world, the smallest act of kindness can be the reason you change your attitude that day.