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I'm beginning to stay later at work since I am training to move up. I don't mind right now since it's spring break, but I don't know how this is going to go when I return to school next week. Getting home at 2:30AM and having a 9:30AM class the next day... is gonna catch up. I only have eight weeks left of this semester though, so I'm not sure it's worth it to re-arrange my schedule. Working the night shift guarantees my hours since very few people want to work nights.

I've reached a point right now where I am questioning what the hell I am doing in school. It's my age, and working so much simultaneously that is making me feel like I have no life. I know this is temporary but damn, this is a temporary situation that drags on day by day. I'm better off with the degree than without it, but man, I'm feeling the wear and tear on my body. I would've been a good slave back in the day.

Also, I'm struggling with my identity right now because I am relying on my husband for a lot of things since I've committed myself to being a full time student. I make less money than I ever have before and I am not independent like I used to be. It's hard for me to rely so much on someone else because I never have in the past. I was always the sugar mama, and so I feel like I am losing myself in the process of going to school. I don't like depending on another person for anything, and perhaps I feel like I do not have control like I would if I was supporting myself like I always did.

I went from having my own apartment and supporting my boyfriend to being a domesticated wife whose husband pays a majority of the bills. It's not like I'm sitting around collecting his money and spending it on myself, but still... it makes me feel like a little girl again and I really don't like that feeling. My husband doesn't mind supporting me and helping me accomplish my goal of getting school done, but it's just hard all across the board. All the money I make goes to school and bills. I can't go out with friends. I can't go shopping. And it will be this way for a few more years. I'm just a bit frustrated right now because I feel locked in a cage, riding out my prison time. Not an easy thing for a woman who is basically a wild horse... never was the tame type. I'm a bit worried how much longer I can be locked up in a cage without going crazy.

I keep telling myself this will all be worth it when it's over. I just hope my batteries last.