Today, I spoke with a good friend about the crazy world of dating. She is once where I was, in a position where she is beginning to date a man 15 years older. Hearing that, my eyes do not flinch and my mouth does not drop to the floor because I am that girl too. I am used to those reactions from others, and I am used to the many thoughtless accusations as well, such as being called a gold digger or I'm a daughter looking for her daddy. Those accusations are meaningless to me because they simply don't apply. However, I do wonder what provokes this silliness in people to blurt out such nonsense. Then I remembered, the television. It always comes down to the media, and what people are feeding their brains, which ultimately makes up their world view. I notice how judgmental people are about age gap relationships, and I wasn't inspired to write about the misconceptions of it until a good friend of mine is now finding herself in my shoes. It is very interesting to be on the outside looking in to where I was over four years ago.
One of the first misconceptions about age gap relationships is the assumption that the younger woman is a gold digger. The definition of a gold digger is a lady who goes after a man because of the money he makes or the assets he has. By definition, that does not refer to strictly young women. A woman of any age with no age gap in their relationship can be a gold digger. Unfortunately, "The Girls Next Door" has been a popular show for years, which is the stereotypical situation of young women who are there to enjoy luxurious perks and earn some good money for being cute from an old man. As a result, people who watch the show or are at least familiar with it see a bunch of young, good looking girls going after all the materialistic things a man can offer them. With all that popular footage clouding people's minds, the gold digger image of young women is unfairly projected onto all women who date someone ten years older or more.
Let's use me as an example as to why this is not only unfair, but also a harsh judgement coming from a biast perspective. First of all, I am not a supermodel or a beauty queen. I have never once in my life been hit on by a billionaire. I would not even know the first thing about getting in contact with someone of that status. Instead, I met my husband in a socially respectable place, bible study. Being called a gold digger would imply that I went to bible study to look for a rich man to date. Then that would also mean I was in bible study for the wrong reasons, so not only is that accusation false, but it also implies that you think that low of me that I would only date someone because of the things he can give me. Secondly, if you knew even 10% about my husband, you would also know that he does not own a mansion, a lamborghini or a private jet. All of these things would be on my list if I was going after someone for their money. Clearly, I didn't make out with those things, so that is my counter argument to that terrible assessment of my intentions.
Also, the gold digger accusation tends to come from a lot of housewives themselves. They do not work, but they do not mind pointing their finger at someone else and accusing them of exactly what they are doing. This is not said to overgeneralize housewives, but what needs to be pointed out here is that many people who have accused women like me and my friend of being gold diggers do not work themselves. Their dream job is to stay at home, which ultimately means that their husbands have to make enough money for them to do so. Did you hear that? Make enough money for them to stay at home. My friend and I both have jobs and go to school full-time. Funny how no one is calling housewives or stay at home moms gold diggers. No, the part where they need their husbands money to let them be that is completely nailed under the hardwood floors, not even swept, nailed under the foundation of the house under that rug.
Why do women with high standards who expect their husbands to be doctors, engineers, CEO's, or whatever only referred to as pretentious? Is that not a form of gold digging? But somehow, me, a full-time student and a part-time worker gets crowned gold digger.
The second misconception about age gap relationships is the psychoanalysis of the younger woman needing a father. True, I did not have a present father in my childhood. However, why would I be interested in dating someone to take the place of my father? That implies that I am looking for a parent to navigate my life, which would defeat the point of a romantic relationship. In fact, I would not be sexually attracted to someone who reminded me of my dad because it would feel wrong just as much as it is wrong. Evidently, a fatherless or absent fathered woman who marries someone closer to her age is never accused of finding a mate to replace her father, so why would age suddenly mean something different? Bottom line, for most relationships to work, there needs to be attraction to each other. If I am attracted to my husband, it does not matter if you are not.
Then there is the idea that age gap relationships have problems and communication issues due to the age gap. I'm sorry, did I miss something here? I was totally unaware that problems and communication issues are strictly reserved for people in an age gap relationship. No other marriage in the world has any issues because they are closer in age. Pardon me, I missed the memo.
Our grandparents disagree, our parents disagree, siblings disagree, friends disagree, co-workers disagree. People of all ages can have disagreements with each other. Marrying someone older does not automatically put us in a category of failure to agree, compromise, and understand each other. On the contrary, I have learned a lot about older music, older cartoons, movies, and linguistics by being married to someone older, and he has also learned about the newer side of those things. It has opened up some intellectual conversations, and it never ceases what we learn about each other and how the world relates to each other. There have been many benefits for me because of his maturity alongside conversation. He is stable, I feel safe with him, and he is the most sensitive person towards my feelings and mood swings. Bottom line, no other man would put up with my shenanigans and I know this. He is a fantastic match for me, and I'll be damned if I let anyone out there tell me otherwise.
So go ahead, judge, point fingers, criticize, accuse me of all the wicked things of this world. It won't make me leave my husband because people are disgusted and shocked by us. If I leave, it'll be on my own terms for reasons that could be exactly the same as other normal couples in close age. People forget that most of the divorces out there are couples in closer age. I am not here to judge them either though. I am simply pointing out a few things that may shed light on relationships like mine.
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