The Double Standard

I am aware of the double standard that exists between men and women, such as, a man can brag about how many girls he gets, but a woman can't or she's viewed as a whore. A social norm is that it's cool for girls to make out and be lesbians, but not for guys. It's more commonly accepted for a woman to be the caretaker, and for the man to support the family. However, I do not believe in these social codes at all. I despise them because it sets unrealistic expectations for people to meet such as a man feels that he needs to make more than his wife and a woman feels the need to be sexual to attract men. 

Fortunately, the fact that women were always the caretakers and not encouraged to be in the workforce is becoming more of a historical crisis rather than a modern one as we move further into the future. Click here to delve deeper into the health problems that men can experience if they are not the breadwinners of their home. I just finished reading this and felt sad for men. Social norms are not always the best way of going about things if simple things like a woman making more money than her man is causing him health problems.

As far as girls making out to get attention from boys goes, that is just sad to me. It is sad because the girls obviously don't value themselves enough to know that those guys don't respect them. Not valuing yourself comes from low self-esteem. How do I know that? I struggled with this for many years. Also, these boys who encourage this behavior are pigs because they are showing no respect for these women. However, I don't want to spend too much time ranting about these seemingly unbreakable social codes because there is something more problematic than that to me because it directly effects me. 

As a woman, I have noticed that smiling at a man means something different than smiling at a woman. I'm a naturally smiley person when I meet someone new. I'm friendly. That's always been me. Unfortunately, as I have gotten older, I have learned that smiling at a man can be interpreted far away from what my intentions are. For example, one of the managers I worked for in Pennsylvania was easy to get along with, and I always worked my hardest for him because he was level-headed and fair. I was 20 years old at the time, and he was easily in his 50's. He got the wrong idea about me, and one day made the bold move of asking me to come over and have some beers before he moved out of state to work at another hotel. 

This isn't an isolated incidence either of where my smiley nature has given guys the wrong impression. Here's where my confusion lies - I treat women just the same as I treat men. I smile, I talk, I ask questions and I show a general interest in the welfare of that person. The gender does not stop me from being me. But for some reason, it has a tendency to rub off as flirtatious to some people. No man has said this to me, but given the way some of them react to me, I sniff trouble. Since I've been married, I find myself being extra cautious about how I approach guys and I try not to be "too smiley." Unfortunately, I feel awkward around guys because I don't want to look them in the eyes for longer than two seconds, and I certainly do not want to touch them via a pat on the shoulder, a dab with the elbow or any other playful gesture that is considered harmless. 

So I ask myself, what is the reason for all this? I cannot control how people respond to me, but I can control how I act, which is what I am doing. But I cannot control how someone else feels, and sometimes, just being my nice self must be masked. I now feel like when I approach the opposite sex, I have to perform a two second eye contact move and a quick smile followed up with a professional "hello" and not engage in conversation for too long. That feels really awkward to me like I'm hiding something, and rightfully so. I am hiding something, my true self! See where the insecurities come into play? If you have to hide yourself, you're going to feel insecure and project it somehow whether it's negative, positive or just plain awkward.

I spoke about this with a friend and she agrees. The big question here is, why does a smile to a man mean something different than a smile to a woman? 

I can't figure it out.