The past several months have been what I will call a recycling period with the people who have come in and out of my life. It really is a vivid image of people from my past coming into my life and either staying or leaving. I have been reconnected with some friends from long ago. Sadly, a few that I thought were friends have shed from me like the dead skin from a snake. I am okay with that though because I have met some remarkable people who have come into my life during this process and am strengthening relationships with people that should remain or be part of my life. It was time to shed the dead weight and move stronger into a new phase of life.
I have been going to church again. A co-worker invited me a few months ago. I had not been to church in a couple years and so I hesitated to say yes at first. I really wasn't feeling it. I have been tired of trying to understand God and his mysterious ways. I took a good, long break from it. I'm glad I did. We all need to go through our own journeys to learn who we are and how to reach our potential. This time at church, I felt different about it. I wasn't going for any particular reason so I didn't feel obligated to like it. It was more of a courteousy acceptance to an invitation of a fellow worker.
Boy, my experience at Restored Church gave me something to remember. I actually felt loved during the worship. I understood what the pastors were talking about. I could relate to them. They are simple people, not rich or making money the way Joel Olsteen is or most religions. They spoke thought provoking things that challenge your character as a human being on earth. Things that could apply to even an Amazonian in the jungle. That is how I measure the truth. If an indigenous human can apply this teaching without having a Bible in hand, then it is truth. Truth is unbiased. It applies to everyone.
Tonight was my second night at Bible Study. These people feel like family already. I felt love in this home. Truth is here. Everyone attending is simple and humble. I had prayed for these things years ago. I specifically wanted to be surrounded by humble people who don't get absorbed in the world's lies. Call it an epiphany, revelation, prophecy, coincidence, divine nature. I'm gonna say my prayers were answered. I remember being 15 years old and asking God to please get me to a safe place where the people are not pretentious, competitive, and spoiled. I wanted so badly to be around resilient folk who value the loyalty of their friends and family, the kind of people who are grateful and have true peace in their hearts. Well, I am here... 12 years later. I am right where I dreamed to be when I was 15.
Maybe it would have happened sooner if I was more patient with God. But then again, perhaps I wouldn't have the same appreciation for what is had I not struggled to get here. Suffering is part of life, but on the other side of that coin is joy. We all have to suffer, but I see now that I can find peace through it so long as I take the opportunity to seek wisdom through it. Without suffering, could we truly understand joy? I wonder. All I know is that I am beginning a new relationship with God that feels like a clean slate. I am listening for wisdom.
I am liking this new phase in life I have entered. This is the beginning of my heart and mind working together in peace. My mind is being put to rest with the peace that wants to stay in my heart.
Showing posts with label Progress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Progress. Show all posts
Friday, September 12, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
Furthermore
The only thing I hate about being labeled a vegan is that people immediately assume that I believe eating meat is 100% wrong. In other words, that I find no toleration for it whatsoever. But that isn't the case for me. I am 100% against eating meat depending on where you live and what resources are available to you. For example, ancient Native Americans roamed the Americas actively hunting and gathering, playing by the same rules as all the other creatures in the food chain. Today, however, this is not how most of us live.
Eating meat is a life style as old as time. For whatever reason we have predators on this earth, I will never understand it. But there is a respectful way of eating meat, and there is a disrespectful way of eating it. The only group of people I am aware of who still play by the same rules as the Native Americans did are the Eskimos. They live off the land. They hunt and gather their food. They live many months in harsh winter conditions. Growing vegetables is not a reality for them. However, they respect life, which means they do not waste any part of the animal they catch. They wear it, eat it, make utensils, and can even use whale blubber as oil for lanterns.
The Eskimos do not buy food. They are active participants in the food chain that play by the rules of nature, not by rules of greed. They are not wearing seal skin because it is fashionable. They wear it because that is how they stay warm. It keeps them alive. It is the difference between freezing to death and not. Shamefully, the country I live in not only promotes wearing fur, but they support it. People buy it and see nothing wrong with killing an animal solely for it's fur because it is fashionable. Wearing fur is one of the most expensive options out there, and it is by far not the only option to keep us warm. So why buy it other than to exercise vanity? These animals are skinned alive. If I have to explain why the vanity in that is wrong, then I really will have lost all my faith in humanity.
Since I am not an eskimo, I do not hunt or gather my food. I use money to get everything I need. I am not playing by the the laws of nature. I am playing by the laws of man, which only recognize the rights of human beings, not animals. Since I have a responsibility to care for the Earth, I should be mindful how I consume all things. Becoming vegan is really about going green. It's about being pro-earth in every sense. I respect the earth, and I respect all life in it. I do not eat meat because the way my money is used to get meat is disrespectful to the creature. To name a few things off the top of my head, cows are more often than not injected with hormones to grow faster than normal, overfed to get fat, and killed too soon in its life, which means, most steaks are a form of veal since they are killed from one week old to 16 months. Do I even need to mention how this is an act of greed?
I have the resources available to me to be a responsible and respectful inhabitant of our planet. In a sense, I can live like the Eskimo when my money is used respectfully. I believe we are defined by the intention of our decisions. Knowing what I know now, my intentions would not be corrupted if I buy meat fully aware of the consequences my decisions have an impact on. Intentions are what make us who we are. Furthermore, I have been searching for ways to fight evil for most of my life, so this is a victory for me to have the opportunity to stand up for something simply by what I choose to consume. I enjoy the feeling of a personal victory against all the greed out there. There is really nothing quite like it.
Eating meat is a life style as old as time. For whatever reason we have predators on this earth, I will never understand it. But there is a respectful way of eating meat, and there is a disrespectful way of eating it. The only group of people I am aware of who still play by the same rules as the Native Americans did are the Eskimos. They live off the land. They hunt and gather their food. They live many months in harsh winter conditions. Growing vegetables is not a reality for them. However, they respect life, which means they do not waste any part of the animal they catch. They wear it, eat it, make utensils, and can even use whale blubber as oil for lanterns.
The Eskimos do not buy food. They are active participants in the food chain that play by the rules of nature, not by rules of greed. They are not wearing seal skin because it is fashionable. They wear it because that is how they stay warm. It keeps them alive. It is the difference between freezing to death and not. Shamefully, the country I live in not only promotes wearing fur, but they support it. People buy it and see nothing wrong with killing an animal solely for it's fur because it is fashionable. Wearing fur is one of the most expensive options out there, and it is by far not the only option to keep us warm. So why buy it other than to exercise vanity? These animals are skinned alive. If I have to explain why the vanity in that is wrong, then I really will have lost all my faith in humanity.
Since I am not an eskimo, I do not hunt or gather my food. I use money to get everything I need. I am not playing by the the laws of nature. I am playing by the laws of man, which only recognize the rights of human beings, not animals. Since I have a responsibility to care for the Earth, I should be mindful how I consume all things. Becoming vegan is really about going green. It's about being pro-earth in every sense. I respect the earth, and I respect all life in it. I do not eat meat because the way my money is used to get meat is disrespectful to the creature. To name a few things off the top of my head, cows are more often than not injected with hormones to grow faster than normal, overfed to get fat, and killed too soon in its life, which means, most steaks are a form of veal since they are killed from one week old to 16 months. Do I even need to mention how this is an act of greed?
I have the resources available to me to be a responsible and respectful inhabitant of our planet. In a sense, I can live like the Eskimo when my money is used respectfully. I believe we are defined by the intention of our decisions. Knowing what I know now, my intentions would not be corrupted if I buy meat fully aware of the consequences my decisions have an impact on. Intentions are what make us who we are. Furthermore, I have been searching for ways to fight evil for most of my life, so this is a victory for me to have the opportunity to stand up for something simply by what I choose to consume. I enjoy the feeling of a personal victory against all the greed out there. There is really nothing quite like it.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
God Works in Mysterious Ways
I've heard this phrase a lot, and never understood it until now. "God works in mysterious ways."
Strange, how I discovered a community of people called, "Life Group" on a reality show I watch with Ron, the Real Housewives of Orange County. I learn a lot watching people in their lives, how they handle conflict, meeting new people very different from themselves, what they value, and so forth. It is a way for me to see how I relate to people, and to develop qualities in myself that I like in them and to keep myself in check with the behaviors I do not like.
Anyway, one of the housewives Lydia is a converted Christian who shared with us her fellowship time with a group of people she spends time with weekly. They are part of something called, "Life Group." They get together and go to someone's house, discuss their week, their troubles, their accomplishments, their stresses, gather advice, talk about God, read scripture. I just thought to myself, wow, I would love to be part of something like that! I read Lydia's blog after the episode and read more about Life Group, so then I researched it.
It lead me to a blog written yesterday from the Life Group website that spoke to me exactly in answer to my prayers.
"Walk the Line" <-- click that
There are 5 or 6 Life Groups in San Diego working together to feed the homeless, help victims of human trafficking and women in unwanted pregnancies. Yes, this is what I have been searching for! I am so excited about this, I can't even stop smiling right now. I signed up to be contacted and I am anxiously awaiting my phone call to get involved.
I can't wait to begin my journey in service to people that need my help with people alike. I have a feeling I am going to meet some amazing human beings and gain some really awesome friends.
The emptiness I have been feeling is dissipating, and this whole thing cannot be a coincidence after prayer. I was very specific in my prayers.
I prayed to see what my purpose was.
I prayed for self-awareness, and to see God.
I asked him to show himself to me.
I asked sincerely, and I am seeing a path that I would have never before even thought of taking.
Strange, how I discovered a community of people called, "Life Group" on a reality show I watch with Ron, the Real Housewives of Orange County. I learn a lot watching people in their lives, how they handle conflict, meeting new people very different from themselves, what they value, and so forth. It is a way for me to see how I relate to people, and to develop qualities in myself that I like in them and to keep myself in check with the behaviors I do not like.
Anyway, one of the housewives Lydia is a converted Christian who shared with us her fellowship time with a group of people she spends time with weekly. They are part of something called, "Life Group." They get together and go to someone's house, discuss their week, their troubles, their accomplishments, their stresses, gather advice, talk about God, read scripture. I just thought to myself, wow, I would love to be part of something like that! I read Lydia's blog after the episode and read more about Life Group, so then I researched it.
It lead me to a blog written yesterday from the Life Group website that spoke to me exactly in answer to my prayers.
"Walk the Line" <-- click that
There are 5 or 6 Life Groups in San Diego working together to feed the homeless, help victims of human trafficking and women in unwanted pregnancies. Yes, this is what I have been searching for! I am so excited about this, I can't even stop smiling right now. I signed up to be contacted and I am anxiously awaiting my phone call to get involved.
I can't wait to begin my journey in service to people that need my help with people alike. I have a feeling I am going to meet some amazing human beings and gain some really awesome friends.
The emptiness I have been feeling is dissipating, and this whole thing cannot be a coincidence after prayer. I was very specific in my prayers.
I prayed to see what my purpose was.
I prayed for self-awareness, and to see God.
I asked him to show himself to me.
I asked sincerely, and I am seeing a path that I would have never before even thought of taking.
Matthew 7:7
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Saturday, March 30, 2013
Make a List
It felt good to vent out my frustrations, but now, I will take Ron's advice and list the things I do love about California and remind myself why life is beautiful. I think I'm having a mid-life crisis, stressed out with school and work, not getting enough sleep. It's bound to make ya crazy at some point, and perhaps now is just my breaking point.
Once we moved in, we had a friend stay for the week helping us out with house duties, family came the next week, and then I started staying later at work with mid-terms to study for at the same time. It was three weeks of building priorities and I was not getting good sleep at all. Ron has helped me recognize that this has been an unusual semester for me with buying a house and all the visitors we have had in this short period of time. He's right. Time to re-group and look at all the positive things.
It's okay to miss the east coast, but that doesn't mean I can't learn to love a different way of life either. I just have to make my list of things I love here, and remind myself what I'm grateful for so I don't lose site of those things.
Here's my list:
1. I love the weather. Duh.
2. The palm trees make me feel like I am in a tropical place, my ideal vacation destination.
3. We just bought a house. It may not be in the country with my nightly crickets croaking, but it is a quiet house too. There are no kids running and screaming around like I grew up with. I have privacy. It is a lovely home that is finally coming together the way we want it.
4. I have an orange tree and a lemon tree. We just planted a banana plant, and are making plans for the avocado tree, tomato plant, basil and parsley pots. I'm going to have a garden! Amazing.
5. I like having picnics on the beach.
6. Ron just bought us boogie boards so I can continue understanding the ocean and the way it moves before I begin the real deal... surfing.
7. The beach is twenty minutes away. Just twenty.
8. I have two cute little pets that I love so much. They bring so much joy and entertainment in my life.
9. I am in school working towards a degree, something I never ever thought I would be able to do in my lifetime.
10. There are an abundance of restaurants out here to eat at, and I sure do love my food.
11. I have a wonderful husband. He really understands me, and helps me get past all my temporary mood swings. I probably don't deserve him, but I am lucky enough to have a great man in my life. Patti Sanger said, "Everyone wants love, but not everyone can find it."
That's the beginning of my list for now, which is a great start. Ron was right. Reading over these 11 things makes me smile and remember I have so many wonderful things to be happy about. My schedule right now is a crazy one and it is certainly responsible for my irritability and grumpiness. But after eight weeks, this semester is over and I can move on from this tough time. This is just a hard part of the climb in my hike to a degree.
Perseverance. Strength. Keep going.
Once we moved in, we had a friend stay for the week helping us out with house duties, family came the next week, and then I started staying later at work with mid-terms to study for at the same time. It was three weeks of building priorities and I was not getting good sleep at all. Ron has helped me recognize that this has been an unusual semester for me with buying a house and all the visitors we have had in this short period of time. He's right. Time to re-group and look at all the positive things.
It's okay to miss the east coast, but that doesn't mean I can't learn to love a different way of life either. I just have to make my list of things I love here, and remind myself what I'm grateful for so I don't lose site of those things.
Here's my list:
1. I love the weather. Duh.
2. The palm trees make me feel like I am in a tropical place, my ideal vacation destination.
3. We just bought a house. It may not be in the country with my nightly crickets croaking, but it is a quiet house too. There are no kids running and screaming around like I grew up with. I have privacy. It is a lovely home that is finally coming together the way we want it.
4. I have an orange tree and a lemon tree. We just planted a banana plant, and are making plans for the avocado tree, tomato plant, basil and parsley pots. I'm going to have a garden! Amazing.
5. I like having picnics on the beach.
6. Ron just bought us boogie boards so I can continue understanding the ocean and the way it moves before I begin the real deal... surfing.
7. The beach is twenty minutes away. Just twenty.
8. I have two cute little pets that I love so much. They bring so much joy and entertainment in my life.
9. I am in school working towards a degree, something I never ever thought I would be able to do in my lifetime.
10. There are an abundance of restaurants out here to eat at, and I sure do love my food.
11. I have a wonderful husband. He really understands me, and helps me get past all my temporary mood swings. I probably don't deserve him, but I am lucky enough to have a great man in my life. Patti Sanger said, "Everyone wants love, but not everyone can find it."
That's the beginning of my list for now, which is a great start. Ron was right. Reading over these 11 things makes me smile and remember I have so many wonderful things to be happy about. My schedule right now is a crazy one and it is certainly responsible for my irritability and grumpiness. But after eight weeks, this semester is over and I can move on from this tough time. This is just a hard part of the climb in my hike to a degree.
Perseverance. Strength. Keep going.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Father
Last night, I spoke to my dad on the phone for about two solid hours. I don't even know how we managed to fill up that amount of time in conversation, but we did.
It is strange how it happened too. Ron asked my dad to give us some money for the house that we are approved for without me knowing. My dad called me to ask the details of the house, and so I told him what I knew. Then he told me he wanted to help, and that Ron had asked him if he could. I was shocked to say the least. I have never asked my dad for anything, nothing. I am very grateful though because now it looks like we really are going to get the house, and I don't have to sell my wedding rings now. When I told my dad that I was going to sell them, that's when he said, "No. It shouldn't come to that. Let me help." Well, if you say so. Am I really going to be that prideful that I lose my wedding rings instead of accepting help? No, I am not going to be a prideful fool, which shows that I have really grown up over the years on more than one level. First of all, I was actually willing to part with my wedding rings. Now, I am actually saying, "Yes, dad. I do need your help."
Ron brought us closer together without even realizing it. Once again, there seems to always be a reason for everything that is happening in my life. I have had a battered relationship with my parents since my teenage years. My mom's relationship with me is at least cordial now, but I have never ever been close to my parents. Last night, I actually felt like my dad and I took the first step towards salvaging our damaged relationship. To his credit, it seemed as though he was waiting for me to be mature enough one day to forgive him, and tell him that I no longer judge him for who he is or what he has done because I have made many mistakes in my life too. "Clean the speck out of your own eye first," says the Bible, right? I'll have to agree on that word of wisdom.
WOW, right? I actually forgive my father for everything that has happened with our family, and I actually do not fault him for it anymore. Stepping outside the picture, I am able to see now that there were a million variables I had not considered before that complicates our family dynamic. Regardless, what a lesson to learn. I never thought I would see the day where my father and I could talk about the past like two mature adults, apologize, discuss our feelings, and actually learn how to move forward. Honestly, it feels like another invisible chain of bitterness that has broken free off my bloody ankles. I didn't realize my ankles were bleeding because I had become so numb to the pain of my parents mistakes. Now, I see that I have a wound that is ready to heal because I let down my pride for once.
The lesson I learned here is that pride sometimes stands in the way of letting ourselves forgive others. In this case, that was absolutely so. My father is another human being that does not deserve my condescending judgment on him. Sure, he has made mistakes, but I too hope to be forgiven for things that I do not do right. I cannot tell you how humbling this experience is. This is the first step in truly being able to accept people for who they are, not who I expect them to be or who I think they should be. And all of this was a repetition of the cycle I was taught by their mistakes, but I'm done with it. I am ending the cycle here. It ceases now.
It is strange how it happened too. Ron asked my dad to give us some money for the house that we are approved for without me knowing. My dad called me to ask the details of the house, and so I told him what I knew. Then he told me he wanted to help, and that Ron had asked him if he could. I was shocked to say the least. I have never asked my dad for anything, nothing. I am very grateful though because now it looks like we really are going to get the house, and I don't have to sell my wedding rings now. When I told my dad that I was going to sell them, that's when he said, "No. It shouldn't come to that. Let me help." Well, if you say so. Am I really going to be that prideful that I lose my wedding rings instead of accepting help? No, I am not going to be a prideful fool, which shows that I have really grown up over the years on more than one level. First of all, I was actually willing to part with my wedding rings. Now, I am actually saying, "Yes, dad. I do need your help."
Ron brought us closer together without even realizing it. Once again, there seems to always be a reason for everything that is happening in my life. I have had a battered relationship with my parents since my teenage years. My mom's relationship with me is at least cordial now, but I have never ever been close to my parents. Last night, I actually felt like my dad and I took the first step towards salvaging our damaged relationship. To his credit, it seemed as though he was waiting for me to be mature enough one day to forgive him, and tell him that I no longer judge him for who he is or what he has done because I have made many mistakes in my life too. "Clean the speck out of your own eye first," says the Bible, right? I'll have to agree on that word of wisdom.
WOW, right? I actually forgive my father for everything that has happened with our family, and I actually do not fault him for it anymore. Stepping outside the picture, I am able to see now that there were a million variables I had not considered before that complicates our family dynamic. Regardless, what a lesson to learn. I never thought I would see the day where my father and I could talk about the past like two mature adults, apologize, discuss our feelings, and actually learn how to move forward. Honestly, it feels like another invisible chain of bitterness that has broken free off my bloody ankles. I didn't realize my ankles were bleeding because I had become so numb to the pain of my parents mistakes. Now, I see that I have a wound that is ready to heal because I let down my pride for once.
The lesson I learned here is that pride sometimes stands in the way of letting ourselves forgive others. In this case, that was absolutely so. My father is another human being that does not deserve my condescending judgment on him. Sure, he has made mistakes, but I too hope to be forgiven for things that I do not do right. I cannot tell you how humbling this experience is. This is the first step in truly being able to accept people for who they are, not who I expect them to be or who I think they should be. And all of this was a repetition of the cycle I was taught by their mistakes, but I'm done with it. I am ending the cycle here. It ceases now.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Reaching My Goals
I just finished another week of kickboxing. WOW. I've lost 5 solid lbs. When I fluctuate with water, that's how I know I've lost. That's very encouraging. I'm gonna keep going. My food selection has improved drastically. I am eating steamed vegetables, natural juices, home made smoothies, quinoa, brown rice, baked fish, fruit. This is amazing. I'm starting to understand how exercise and diet go right together. I'm noticing I don't even have to try so hard to think about eating healthy after exercise. It goes hand in hand. It's like my body craves the good stuff as if it were premium gas for an engine. I'm running efficiently and I definitely am more energetic after working out. It's like I can't sit down. It's regulated my sleep too. I'm tired come 9 PM. Ready to crash.
Now if I can just stop drinking water before bedtime so I'm not waking up in the middle of the night to pee. I hate that. I need 6 solid hours of undisturbed sleep to feel great the next day!
I'm loving this. Kickboxing is awesome. My instructors were all military affiliated or boxers. Their workouts are no joke! I have a hard time keeping up. My goal is to keep up. I'm giving myself a 6 month time line.
Now if I can just stop drinking water before bedtime so I'm not waking up in the middle of the night to pee. I hate that. I need 6 solid hours of undisturbed sleep to feel great the next day!
I'm loving this. Kickboxing is awesome. My instructors were all military affiliated or boxers. Their workouts are no joke! I have a hard time keeping up. My goal is to keep up. I'm giving myself a 6 month time line.
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