Friendships

Over the years, friendships change. Some friends are left behind in your childhood and others stay in your life long enough to make you think till death do us part. I've kept a hand full of friends from my childhood. I am so proud of that, and happy that I grew close enough to them that we are still in each others lives today. In contrast, it is sad when I think about friendships I once had that slowly changed over the last several years. I think I've made some solid efforts to keep ties with people who were so close to me in one of the most vulnerable stages of life, adolescence. Unfortunately, my efforts to keep those ties strong do not work the same way as Newton's third law in which two objects in space exert equal gravitational force on each other. It would be amazing if the efforts I gave to friends equally returned, but I must let go of that childish dream. It's time to be a grown up and accept that people change. Friendships may not mean as much to a person as you believe it does to you. I'm not perfect for sure, but I would like to think that my friendships really did mean something to me. That is why it makes me sad when I think of people I have grown a part from.

What suddenly seemed to strike this thought out of nowhere is a recent epiphany in someone I used to work with. Our relationship began as two Christian women talking about scripture (when I was Christian) and she had this familiar presence about her that I adored. We didn't become best friends, and did not even hang out one time. She did however get me going to her Bible study a few times, but I discontinued going obviously. She never asked about it, which I thought was cool and seemed genuine not to pry. Over the last several months, she has been texting me to talk to her Aunt about Mary Kay. It has been months that she asks randomly what I am doing last minute, and I could never attend those make up parties. Finally, I texted her my weekly schedule so that her Aunt could reach me, and I would be left alone about it. Honestly, it didn't bother me much, but I figure, this must be important to her. She's been asking me to come to these events for so many months, I felt bad I couldn't make any of them. So I gave some time to her Aunt to talk about Mary Kay options even though I knew I wouldn't be joining to sell it or buy it.

One week later, I find out from a co-worker that she came into eat and specifically came to see my co-worker. I asked my co-worker in a joking manner, but also with some truth to it, "Oh she only came to see you and not me huh?" Sounds petty, I know. But when my co-workers responded, "No. She came into see me and didn't ask about you so HA." This was all friendly jabbing and all to be taken lightly. However, the fact that this girl did not even bother to ask about me, or shoot a text saying, "Hey I stopped by today and didn't see you" actually put me off a little bit. I realized at that moment that our feelings toward each other were completely not mutual. I found it strange that she was bugging me for several months about this Mary Kay product, but never once texted to see how I was doing without trying to promote the product. She asked my husband and I to donate money to their ministry, and we do so every month. We have never hung out one time outside of work, only at the bible study she invited me to that I attended a few times. Had I come into work to eat, I would have at least asked about her to see how she was doing, or shoot a text to say I had stopped by and didn't see her. It honestly made me feel some type of way that I can't quite put my finger on. Basically, there is a bit of resentment on my end towards her because I feel that she has only contacted me when she wanted something, and that our interactions with me had motives. For not knowing me or my husband very well, asking us to give to her ministry and we do... she could not even think about saying hello to me too? We weren't that close to begin with for me to have my feathers ruffled that much, but it definitely released my guilt of avoiding the Mary Kay party her Aunt promotes. We still donate money to her ministry, but I know where our relationship stands, and it isn't genuine.

This is an example of how people are not what they seem. This is one of a few experiences I had this year in meeting new people. I really understand how people are just full of surprises! I am glad I have had these kind of experiences both positive and negative with different people I have met because it has tore down my stereotypical structures that I like to categorize people in. It's a natural habit that we humans have learned. We have a conversation with someone, we interpret our first impression of that person, and then we try to categorize him or her in our minds to make sense of the world around us. But the more people I meet and interact with, the more I see how you just never know who is really genuine or insincere unless you give that person some of your time. I've been surprised a few times by people this year and I am so grateful for the experiences. It has opened my mind up to other types of people different from me.

When I reflect on these insignificant people I meet like this Mary Kay girl, I tend to deeply reflect on past friendships with other people. I get sad temporarily thinking of how we grow apart from some people, but stay close to others. I try not to dwell on the negative experiences I have with people or how they may fall short of what little expectations I have of them, but I think it's important to learn something from it all. People may disappoint me, but that doesn't mean I need to disappoint others. I still need to persevere and be kind to others. I'm still going to reach out to people, and make my efforts to keep ties with old friends. I may need to take a break from people at times so I can keep my sanity, but I really do believe if I continue to put enough good out there, good will come back. I will nurture the relationships that are growing, and step back from the ones that aren't. It's really quite simple. This doesn't need to be complicated. I give the power to myself when I walk away from relationships that aren't growing.

I am happy with the people I have in my life. They're pretty amazing and fantastic folks. I am lucky to have them. These kind of people you don't meet just anywhere. I have a great support group, so there is no reason to waste time with people that aren't really looking for your friendship. Time is the most precious thing we can give to each other, so I am giving my time to the people I love and cherish most. <3 Of course, I have room in my heart for as many genuine, humble people out there that exist! You just don't meet them every day is all. Since I have a hand full of them, I am fulfilled. :o) It is good that I feel sadness in memory of lost friendships. It means I still care about them.

Back in the Groove

Home Sweet Home!

I was gone for 7 weeks. I got straight A's in summer school! Woohoo! On my way home, I stopped and saw all my friends and family on the way down. That was awesome. I realized that I have more friends/family in California than anywhere else! I have driven all over California from Napa, Oroville, Sacramento, San Francisco Bay Area to Southern California in Chula Vista. I have a pretty good grip on the highways now and am familiar with Northern California and am getting to know the San Diego County better. I never thought I'd be a California girl. It's strange how it even happened. I had no desire or thought of living in California ever. It just so happened I relocated to Utah, wasn't very happy there and California was close by and I wanted to give it a shot. Five years later, I have been up and down all over this state even having the privilege to live in both northern and southern California. What's crazier to me is that I have experienced more of this state than some of the Native Californians! How sad! Most of us east coasters have been up and down the coast from Maine to Florida. How could you not have taken some road trips in this huge coastal state of California all your life?! Sad I say. Although what's kind of embarrassing is that Jessica has been to Disney land enough times to know her way around it without a map! When she visited here a few months ago with my dad and Jeremy, she was showing ME and Ron around Disney land, only a 2 hour drive north from San Diego. While at Disney land, I didn't enjoy standing in line and I don't care for crowds much. By mid afternoon, I was over it and ready to get out of there. I'm not into the amusement park scene these days. Maybe it has to do with getting older, not sure.

I stopped and visited my brother-in-law Lyle on the way down in Ventura. We went boogie boarding. He's a surfer and that's what I'm trying to get into now. I moved here for the weather and I should be taking advantage of the beaches more often. So he taught me how to boogie board because there are a lot of things you have to get used to in the waves before surfing. He was right. I probably would have given up if I would've tried surfing first. I felt like I was getting beat up out there but at least the wet suit keeps you warm. By the way, that was a HUGE FEAR I conquered getting out there in the ocean like that. I have ALWAYS been afraid to swim past the point of touching the sand. Lyle pushed me into some waves so I was able to enjoy a few good ones. This is definitely going to take some practice to get into the surfing world. Ron used to be into it, so now that I am doing it, we can do it together. I've been meaning to get into an active hobby that allows me to enjoy being outside. I love swimming so this is a great way to be active without forcing myself to exercise. :o) I can't wait to post pics of me in a wet suit actually catching waves!

Now that I'm back though, I have to start working again. Boooo. I was so happy up north not working. I may quit In-N-Out and just focus on school. Ron and I have talked about that as a possibility if this becomes too much for me. Then I can focus on school where I feel like I'm making something of myself. I am so lucky to have Ron because I just might need a break from the worthless work world! I'm hanging in there but I doubt my ability to do that for much longer. It was nice to take a leave of absence for 7 weeks. I had no money but I was happy! I got straight A's and I was at peace with myself. It's amazing how a job can just suck the life out of you. Ron loves his job and I can't wait to have a job that I love too and feel valued at. :o) School starts the 20th. I am so ready. In the mean time, I'm gonna do this boogie boarding thing!