Last night, I spoke to my dad on the phone for about two solid hours. I don't even know how we managed to fill up that amount of time in conversation, but we did.
It is strange how it happened too. Ron asked my dad to give us some money for the house that we are approved for without me knowing. My dad called me to ask the details of the house, and so I told him what I knew. Then he told me he wanted to help, and that Ron had asked him if he could. I was shocked to say the least. I have never asked my dad for anything, nothing. I am very grateful though because now it looks like we really are going to get the house, and I don't have to sell my wedding rings now. When I told my dad that I was going to sell them, that's when he said, "No. It shouldn't come to that. Let me help." Well, if you say so. Am I really going to be that prideful that I lose my wedding rings instead of accepting help? No, I am not going to be a prideful fool, which shows that I have really grown up over the years on more than one level. First of all, I was actually willing to part with my wedding rings. Now, I am actually saying, "Yes, dad. I do need your help."
Ron brought us closer together without even realizing it. Once again, there seems to always be a reason for everything that is happening in my life. I have had a battered relationship with my parents since my teenage years. My mom's relationship with me is at least cordial now, but I have never ever been close to my parents. Last night, I actually felt like my dad and I took the first step towards salvaging our damaged relationship. To his credit, it seemed as though he was waiting for me to be mature enough one day to forgive him, and tell him that I no longer judge him for who he is or what he has done because I have made many mistakes in my life too. "Clean the speck out of your own eye first," says the Bible, right? I'll have to agree on that word of wisdom.
WOW, right? I actually forgive my father for everything that has happened with our family, and I actually do not fault him for it anymore. Stepping outside the picture, I am able to see now that there were a million variables I had not considered before that complicates our family dynamic. Regardless, what a lesson to learn. I never thought I would see the day where my father and I could talk about the past like two mature adults, apologize, discuss our feelings, and actually learn how to move forward. Honestly, it feels like another invisible chain of bitterness that has broken free off my bloody ankles. I didn't realize my ankles were bleeding because I had become so numb to the pain of my parents mistakes. Now, I see that I have a wound that is ready to heal because I let down my pride for once.
The lesson I learned here is that pride sometimes stands in the way of letting ourselves forgive others. In this case, that was absolutely so. My father is another human being that does not deserve my condescending judgment on him. Sure, he has made mistakes, but I too hope to be forgiven for things that I do not do right. I cannot tell you how humbling this experience is. This is the first step in truly being able to accept people for who they are, not who I expect them to be or who I think they should be. And all of this was a repetition of the cycle I was taught by their mistakes, but I'm done with it. I am ending the cycle here. It ceases now.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
New Years 2013
Ron and I were at his friends house, or shall I say mansion? We were there partying until 5 AM. It was a crazy, fun night. I love life with just me and my husband. We are free to go and do as we please, and come home to a cat who is always ready for love. Yet, he isn't pushy about it either. Best pet ever.
This is the third year I have not made a New Years Resolution. I stopped having New Years Resolutions about two years ago because I felt like I should just make a change as I see fit, not wait for one particular day to do it. If you want to change, then just get on with it. Besides, I have failed every diet and resolution I ever made. However, I have succeeded in many other changes when they weren't New Years Resolutions. For example, getting in shape, eating healthier, keeping to myself at work, staying out of drama, and trying to be more tolerant of unlovable people are all vast improvements I have made over the last two years. The healthy stuff seemed to always be resolutions at one point or another, but they were successful this year because I decided to change when I was fed up with staying the same. It worked like a charm doing it that way.
When 2013 came, I clanked my champagne glass with everyone elses' and clanked it against my husband's cute pellegrino glass. I told him, "Happy New Year. May we hopefully be in a house in 2013!" Just the other day, we were approved for a house in Spring Valley that we really like. It is three bedrooms and two full bathrooms with a nice yard and two car garage. It has been completely remodeled. Hopefully, we can come up with the extra cash for the down payment by the end of this month. If it is meant to be, it will be. We are getting a house because paying rent is just stupid now. It goes up every year, and we don't get to keep the apartment by paying it off. It is a never ending bill that doesn't even give us any tax benefits. So, we decided to do the house thing.
It might seem strange that we went into this without having the full amount of money for the down payment, but we just barely started house hunting a month ago. Ron's bought houses before, and we have had several friends go through the real estate process. On average, it has taken them at least a few months before finding a house they wanted. We thought it would be the same for us. Instead, we found a house and we were approved for it in exactly one month, which shortened our time to get the extra cash we would definitely have in a few months from now. I'm not complaining, I am just a little unsure of how this is going to turn out. I can't say I will be disappointed if we do not get the house because I am actually scared of this commitment believe it or not. It means we really are here to stay, and we aren't budging any time soon. If we have kids, this is where they will be raised.
I will be excited when the deal closes. Only then will I be excited because I will realize it is real. Part of me is a little sad because I love our location. We can walk everywhere, and it is closer to work for both of us. Ron is selling his Steelers collectors items, the piano, possibly my wedding rings, and we already sold my gold necklace. We are parting with a lot of materialistic things to get this house. I know this will benefit us in the long run though, and we will be much happier having more space. We need to do this now while the market is still in the buyers favor. Otherwise, we may not ever be able to afford a home here.
2013 will be the year that gave us a home, not the year that ended the world as so many people believed. Coincidentally, 2013 is the mark of a new era for Ron and I.
This is the third year I have not made a New Years Resolution. I stopped having New Years Resolutions about two years ago because I felt like I should just make a change as I see fit, not wait for one particular day to do it. If you want to change, then just get on with it. Besides, I have failed every diet and resolution I ever made. However, I have succeeded in many other changes when they weren't New Years Resolutions. For example, getting in shape, eating healthier, keeping to myself at work, staying out of drama, and trying to be more tolerant of unlovable people are all vast improvements I have made over the last two years. The healthy stuff seemed to always be resolutions at one point or another, but they were successful this year because I decided to change when I was fed up with staying the same. It worked like a charm doing it that way.
When 2013 came, I clanked my champagne glass with everyone elses' and clanked it against my husband's cute pellegrino glass. I told him, "Happy New Year. May we hopefully be in a house in 2013!" Just the other day, we were approved for a house in Spring Valley that we really like. It is three bedrooms and two full bathrooms with a nice yard and two car garage. It has been completely remodeled. Hopefully, we can come up with the extra cash for the down payment by the end of this month. If it is meant to be, it will be. We are getting a house because paying rent is just stupid now. It goes up every year, and we don't get to keep the apartment by paying it off. It is a never ending bill that doesn't even give us any tax benefits. So, we decided to do the house thing.
It might seem strange that we went into this without having the full amount of money for the down payment, but we just barely started house hunting a month ago. Ron's bought houses before, and we have had several friends go through the real estate process. On average, it has taken them at least a few months before finding a house they wanted. We thought it would be the same for us. Instead, we found a house and we were approved for it in exactly one month, which shortened our time to get the extra cash we would definitely have in a few months from now. I'm not complaining, I am just a little unsure of how this is going to turn out. I can't say I will be disappointed if we do not get the house because I am actually scared of this commitment believe it or not. It means we really are here to stay, and we aren't budging any time soon. If we have kids, this is where they will be raised.
I will be excited when the deal closes. Only then will I be excited because I will realize it is real. Part of me is a little sad because I love our location. We can walk everywhere, and it is closer to work for both of us. Ron is selling his Steelers collectors items, the piano, possibly my wedding rings, and we already sold my gold necklace. We are parting with a lot of materialistic things to get this house. I know this will benefit us in the long run though, and we will be much happier having more space. We need to do this now while the market is still in the buyers favor. Otherwise, we may not ever be able to afford a home here.
2013 will be the year that gave us a home, not the year that ended the world as so many people believed. Coincidentally, 2013 is the mark of a new era for Ron and I.
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